MORE DATING ADVICE FROM ‘HOW TO RUIN YOUR DATING LIFE’

Okay, so if you happen to find yourself joining a church singles’ group, do yourself a big favor and follow these rules. Seriously, please do this. I (Matthew) promise that the very essence of your dating career depends on it.

• It’s not a hookup joint. That’s not to say hookups won’t happen—and it would actually be awesome if they happened more often—but if you join a Christian singles’ group with the motive of hooking up, may the fake gods of unwanted celibacy fall upon you for many moons. [No, I’m not New Age.]• Resist the temptation to make the group your only friends. Sure, they’re nice people, but you’ll need a little more cultural influence than just them! Trust me, I know that “Sheila” is a nice woman, but if you don’t want to be the next forty-seven-year-old single to be spearheading your yearly “Unmarried Servants’ Fall Retreat,” I suggest you keep your singles’ group attendance on a very tight leash. Or you know that Sheila will be nominating you to replace her when she turns forty-eight.
• If your singles’ group is known by an acronym, leave immediately. I’m not trying to make you a stuck-up jerk, but come on, you’ve got a reputation to protect, and attending the FLOCK—Females Living Out Christ’s Kingdom—is only making that more difficult.
• Keep it to one “singles” activity a week [maybe two, but only if they’re mission related]. Just trust me on this one, all right?
• If you’re a male over the age of thirty and you attend a church singles’ group that’s mostly female and under the age of twenty-three, I hate to break it to you, but everybody thinks you’re creepy. And if you have a mustache or goatee, multiply that creepiness times ten.
• If upon joining a church singles’ group, the word single becomes about as tolerable as the words moist, sack, or pianist, you might want to find a new church. Believe it or not, single isn’t a dirty word.
• No hooking up on missions trips. You know when the music fades, so will the relationship.

For more information on How To Ruin Your Dating Life, buy the book.

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