A week or so ago, famed fiction author Ted Dekker stirred up controversy when he used his Facebook fan page’s status to poke a little fun at the “rules” one Christian publisher demands its writers follow. The publisher? Steeple Hill’s “Love Inspired” imprint.
What was Ted’s status update?! Read below:
Tell me what you would say to a fiction publisher that prohibits the following offensive terms in any novel: Priest, Passion, Hunk, For Pete’s Sake, Undergarment, Tempting, Father, Doody, Fiend, Angel (unless used in a Biblical context.) Just for starters. Should we say, A) You’ve got to be kidding. B) Amen. C) These bounderies offend me and are anti Christian in spirit. D) Something else, penned by you.
For Pete’s sake, what words is an author of Love Inspired books allowed to write? Well, thanks to Ted-the Hunk-Dekker, we now can passionately discuss these fiendish words because he posted the entire list on his Facebook blog! (Forgive me, Father, for I am tempted.)
Ted, if you read this, I just want you to know that I think you’re an angel (I mean that with utmost biblical context, of course).
So, my fellow doodies, are you ready to read the list of NO-NO words?
As always, my comments/explanations are in red…
(FYI: Before we get started, I feel as though I should mention that as I write this post I’m not wearing any undergarments.)
LOVE INSPIRED WRITERS, thou shalt not write the following words…
Arousal
I recommend using the word “horny,” since its not on the list.
Bastard
Bet/betting
Bishop
Also, try to avoid being Catholic or Episcopalian if you’re a writer for Inspired Romance. And my gosh, don’t be a chess piece.
Bra
I get this one: Because duh, bras are for holding “boobs,” and we don’t want any Christian fiction readers (who happen to be MOSTLY female) being tempted to wear bras or think about bras or look down and notice they are wearing bras.
Breast (except for breast cancer if necessary)
Which also means that your characters can NEVER be sitting at a restaurant devouring a chicken breast sandwich. And PLEASE, none of your characters can be robin red breasts.
Buttocks or butt (alternatively, you can say derriere or backside)
Use ass instead. Or bottom.
Crap
Damn (try “blast” instead–Good suggestion, Steeple Hill, you guys get my creative juices flowing!)
Darn
Perhaps blarst?
Dern/durn
Devil (except in the religious sense, but the circumstances would be rare)
Dang or Dagnabbit
Unless your characters are Amish or Rednecks…
Doody
Which means no Howdy…
Father (when used to describe a religious official)
In other words: WE HATE CATHOLICS
Fiend
For heaven’s sake (can use “for goodness’ sake” instead)
For the love of Mike
For Pete’s sake
You might consider using For @pwilson‘s Sake instead. Everybody loves @pwilson.
Gee
Geez/jeez (but “sheesh” is acceptable)
Unless followed by us.
Gosh
So no texting OMG?!
Golly
Halloween
Harlot
Yes, we’re thinking the same thing: Steeple Hill would not let God write fiction for their Love Inspired imprint.
Heat (when used to describe kisses)
Heck
Hell (except in the religious sense, but this would be rare)
Holy cow
Use Holy God Almighty instead: We wouldn’t want people to think you’re a Hindu. Sheesh. I mean, geez!
Hot/hottie
Hunk
Need/hunger (when used to describe non-food-focused state of being)
Pee
Your characters are also not allowed to piss, tinkle, or peepee.
Poop
Yep, your characters are NOT allowed to sh*t, even with an asterisk.
Panties
Your characters must all go commando.
Passion
Priest
ALL CATHOLICS ARE GOING TO HELL. Duh!
Sexy
Sex
Sexual attraction
In other words, your characters are not allowed to be human
Tempting (as applied to the opposite sex)
St. [name of saint]
Swear, as in “I swear…” – Christian characters are not supposed to swear.
Undergarments – of any kind
Whore
Which means you can’t talk about Bible stories that include Rahab, Bathsheba, “woman at the well,” or “Hosea’s wife.”
The following are allowed only in the context mentioned: You get the point…
Angel – only when used in a Biblical context
Miracle – only when used in a Biblical context
Oh my God/Oh, God – ONLY allowed when it’s clearly part of a prayer
Heavenly – only when used in a Biblical context
Although you can say “He cursed” or mention cursing, do not overuse. Furthermore, only non-Christian characters can curse.
Situations to be avoided:
Kissing below the neck
Visible signs or discussions of arousal or sexual attraction or being out of control
Double entendre
Nudity – people changing clothes “on screen” or any character clad only in a towel
Hero and heroine sleeping in the same house without a third party, even if they’re not sleeping together or in the same room
Also, Christian characters should not smoke, drink, gamble, play cards or dance (except in historical novels they may dance but please limit to square dances and balls (Ha! You can say “balls”), no “sexy” dancing like waltzing cheek to cheek), and terms associated with these activities should only be used in connection with bad guys or disapproving of them or such.
Bodily functions, like going to the bathroom, should be mentioned as little as possible and some euphemism may be necessary but we don’t want to sound quaint or absurd.
Wow. WTF?
Thankfully, Steeple Hill didn’t excommunicate the words penis, vagina, screw, testicles, nipples, pomegranates, and jewels. So I suppose there’s still a number of “hot” scenes an author might be able to write.
I wonder if Steeple Hill writers are allowed to read scripture?
But seriously, can this kind of fiction really be good for society or “better for society” than fiction that is realistic?
This is sad to me. Not surprising. But definitely sad.
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