somebody stole jesus’s head

The sin of stealing Jesus’s head happened in Wisconsin.

So if you’re thinking about moving to Wisconsin, and you have a large collection of valuable Jesus statues, consider moving some place safer like LA or Seattle, where they have no need for Jesus heads.

But anyway, here’s the story… (and a few stupid comments from me.)

WAUWATOSA, Wis. — Police in southeastern Wisconsin are looking for the person who stole the head off a statue of Jesus.

(I only hope it’s not a serial head stealer. There are some monasteries where a thief interested in the stoned-noggins of Jesus could really make a big mess–and not to mention, clean house!)

The head was recently discovered missing from St. Joseph’s Church in Wauwatosa. (We’re praying for you, St. Joseph… keep your heads held high!)

Deb Labermeier, (WHAT KIND OF LAST NAME IS THAT? Is she a retriever?) the church’s business administrator, said officials scoured the entire property but couldn’t find the head. (BECAUSE IT WAS STOLEN! And how much of tax payers’ money was spent on search for Christ’s head? Make the thieves pay! I’m pretty sure Jesus did not pay THIS debt on the cross.)

She suspects that someone somewhere is apparently using it for a trophy.

(A trophy?! You’re kidding. Like a cheer leading trophy? Those big fat Jesus-hating jerks. GIVE ST. JOSEPH THEIR STATUE HEAD BACK!)

The marble statue shows Joseph holding his infant son.

(Wait. Is the statue of Jesus or Joseph or…. baby Jesus? They stole the head of baby Jesus? They’re going to hell.)

The church’s insurance will cover the cost of repairs.

(Praise be to God for insurance. I know all of my statues are getting insured now!)

Authorities have no suspects in custody.

(I bet you they’re out there right now holding baby Jesus’s head over their heads and screaming at the top of their lungs. They’re proud of what they’ve done. You know, like they won a big game or something. And got a trophy.)

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