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ladies: stuff about your husband

By August 13, 2009Blog


These are just some ideas that might help you navigate your way around your husband’s body. This advice is HARDLY exhaustive, and not necessarily tried and true for every male. But at least the try and fail is fun, right? It’s always worth a try.

Some of these are explicit. So please, use wisdom before reading.

1) Here’s the truth: sometimes your husband actually enjoys foreplay. In fact, he doesn’t even mind you two taking your time. What is likely most important to him is momentum, that it exists. Keep things moving forward. No stopping and starting. Seriously, Ladies, the average guy HATES stopping and starting. That feels like you’re driving with somebody who doesn’t know how to work a 5-speed. So if you like things slow, that’s fine, just keep things steadily moving.

2) Four needs that men get filled from sexual contact:

  • Affirmation (You have the power to sometimes make him feel like he’s the king of the world),
  • Security (that he’s wanted, needed, accepted, etc)
  • Personal connection/desire (That you want him more than anybody else in the world)
  • Communication (Sex is one way a man says he loves you–not the only way–but one. The majority of men don’t walk into the bedroom thinking selfishly.)

3) In relationship to point number one, let’s talk oral sex. When performing oral sex on your husband, trust me on this: HE WANTS YOU TO TAKE YOUR TIME. And he wants you to love his penis as much as he loves his penis. He’ll probably never tell you that. But it’s true: HE LOVES HIS PENIS. And the best thing you can do for him is to LOVE it back. And too, though his penis is the main attraction during oral, he’d also love if you paid some oral attention to his testicles (
4) Massage his butt. Scratch his butt. Touch his butt. He will like it.

5) Do a full-on strip tease for him. More than likely he doesn’t want you to mimic the “strippers” portrayed on TV or in movies (and there’s no problem if he does), but my guess is that he mostly wants you to be you (the flirty/sexy you–whatever that looks like). And he wants you to be confident and feel sexy.

6) Once in a while, wake him up in the morning. Brush your teeth first. Now don’t pounce on him. Take it real slow, let him warm up to the idea. BUT don’t make him kiss you if he hasn’t had a chance to brush his teeth. And DON’T make him get up and brush his teeth.

7) Your husband has what some sexologists might refer to as a g-spot… find it. Seriously. Find it. For most men, stimulation of the “male g-spot” will lengthen and intensify his orgasm.

8) Ladies, sometimes men aren’t very good at telling you where they want/like to be touched or kissed: SO, here’s a top-ten list (the order may vary according to men)

  1. Penis, Penis head, penis tip (be gentle though, it’s very sensitive…)
  2. Testicles, around testicles (if you don’t like pubic hair, you might ask him to trim or shave it. If it means you’ll go down there, there’s a good chance he’ll go for it…
  3. Nipples (you already knew that)
  4. Butt
  5. Feet/hands
  6. Neck/ear
  7. Lips
  8. Back
  9. Inner thigh (especially if you’re moving up…)
  10. Armpits (this might surprise you, but the armpit is extremely sensitive and arousing to the touch)

Ladies, if you have any questions about men, leave a comment! Somebody will be sure to help.

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Matthew Paul Turner

Author Matthew Paul Turner

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Join the discussion 26 Comments

  • Mandy says:

    Everybody’s speechless, huh? Well, I guess I’ll start. Thanks for the advice! It’s always good to learn. I don’t know about this #7 business, but it’s probably true too.

  • Angela Harms says:

    Very brave, but are you going to mention where the male g spot is? If you don’t want to say it, here’s a link that might help. 🙂 http://www.askmen.com/dating/vanessa/23_love_secrets.html (It’s explicit)

    I’m loving all this sex-talk, but I gotta admit, there seems to be an undercurrent of shame in lots of it, and that saddens me.

    Thanks for bringing this conversation into the light.

  • jonathanbenz says:

    Dude, you got balls. That’s all I gotta say about this one.

    And Angela, I agree about the shame. A lot of the comments I’ve read this week have made me very sad. Religion kills. Grace heals.

  • Angela, I’m not ashamed to say where it’s located.

    It’s the prostate gland everybody!

    There’s not one ounce of shame in this post.

    Promise.

  • jonathanbenz says:

    Thank you MPT for being so brave, telling the truth, and helping us all break free from shame.

  • Tam says:

    i am sensing a lot of happy men in the near future!!

  • Annie says:

    I love me some sex and am not ashamed to admit it.

    Been lovin’ sex week. Thanks for the book! I am gathering lots of swag here this week, getting me some of the Sensuous Wife tees too.

  • David says:

    I didn’t realise there was any naivety about the prostate being the male g-spot.

    Gotta say though, my favourite bit of this post was the “You might also like”s at the bottom…Remember Avalon? They’re baaaaaack…

    hahahahahha

  • fabulous!

    lovin’ all these posts here.

  • Toby says:

    Really though….Just in case my wife stumbles upon this….

    Honey, DO NOT touch the nipples….nor my armpits….really, I’m not hiding a secret desire…just don’t.

    K? Thx! Buh bye 😀

  • Anonymous says:

    ok.. so you talk about giving the man oral.. i’m fine with that. i even enjoy it. but is it too much to ask to want him to try it on me??

  • nicole says:

    @anonymous No it is not too much to ask. Talk to him about it. Give and take.

  • ttm says:

    Questions about men? Wow! What’s the character limit in the comment box?

    1. Are men more intimidated by or more turned on by women who have more sexual experience?

    2. You’ve listed things that turn men on. How about things that turn them off (besides the stop-start thing)?

    3. Why do younger men seem to prefer “Brazilians”? (I mean waxes. I already know why they like the girls who live in Rio…)

    4. Does a man’s sex drive slow down as he ages?

    5. What is a man REALLY thinking when it’s taking a woman a long time to cimax?

    6. Do men enjoy more than one orgasm in a night or is one more than enough?

    7. There’s a lot of press about people acting out their sexual fantasies. Do you think most husbands enjoy acting out their fantasies or do they (and their wives) just want to think them while doing what they typically do? (See MPT, I said husbands and wives! I’m working on that “noncontroversial” issue we discussed yesterday…) ;^)

    I’ll stop for now. Come on guys, tell us ladies what you REALLY think. Inquiring minds want to know.

  • Saskia says:

    This post actually saddens me. Not because it’s explicit, cause it’s really not that bad, but because these are things I know at 22 years old because I experiment with my partner and, more importantly, talk to him about what we both like. I don’t think there’s an inch of his body that I don’t know, so I was able to figure out exactly where he likes to be touched and doesn’t like to be touched without needing to come here. We have no shame in the bedroom and I’m glad for that.

    MPT, it’s good sex week on your blog is being so all encompassing. I’m just sad it’s so necessary.

  • Saskia says:

    Oh, and not to trivalize this post or anything, but reading this reminded me of your post..

    http://www.theonion.com/content/news/pantene_markets_new_shampoo_as?utm_source=a-section

  • Anonymous says:

    Hmmm… Been following this blog for a while, and very closely this week. And this post saddens me. Cause here is my question – isn’t there enough stuff out there about Christian women pleasing their husbands? (Come on – its our JOB right? – thanks Promise Keepers, Dobson et al.) Where is your post about how to please your wife? Cause honestly, since Christian men do seem to get all their love making instruction from secretly watching porn, many of the Christian women I have talked to about this are pretty bored, unpleased, unhappy. There is at least one other woman who has posted in the comments that her sex life with her “Christian” husband was abusive and damaging.

    What is deal with ALWAYS making Christian women responsible for sex – responsible for saying no, responsible for for pleasing her her husband, responsible for being modest and therefore untempting to other men, blah blah blah.

    Where is your responsibility for pleasing a woman (with as much detail please). Not that I mind the advice here, though it does strike me as fairly obvious, it just AGAIN gives the impression that Christian men are self centered jerks when it comes to sex.

    I have yet to have any experience that shows me otherwise. In fact, I won’t date men in the church for exactly this reason. The misogyny is just too much – and the way sex is approached is a pretty clear reflection.

    Been there. Done that. Way to tell Christian women AGAIN, that what ever they do is not good enough or right. Cause we need performance anxiety added to the shame that gets dumped on us MUCH more often than men could ever understand.

    Basically what this says to me is that no progress has been made this week except to fuel the hope that if women in the church are less embarrassed they might perform better in bed.

    I was hoping for better.

  • Jamie Inman says:

    How SHAMELESS! BRAVO! This must be one the six prayers God answered for men!
    BTW, I am a 62 year old Christian, married 40 years, and a licensed therapist, and I love this blog.

  • ttm says:

    Anonymous at 10:59, I really understand what you’re saying. I struggle with the idea that women are responsible for men’s satisfaction (in all areas not just sex), too. My hot buttons have been pushed a few times this week also.

    But, please don’t give up on all Christian men as self-centered, chauvinistic jerks. My current boyfriend is the most wonderful man EVER! He believes in mutuality and equality and in strong women and in give and take.
    He really believes in those things. Trust me, I’ve created some drama just to be sure. ;^)

    I was starting to think I would never find a man like that. Honestly, like you, I was starting to think they don’t exist. Our relationship has been difficult at times–mostly because of the 30-foot walls I erected around my heart to protect me from more crap from men.

    I just want to encourage you to (please) keep your heart open to the idea that there might be someone really awesome ought there who will love you for the wonder you are! There might be some wonderful guy out there who is man enough to stand against the spiritual, emotional, and sexual abuse of women. There might just be someone who will treasure you and protect your essence and truly honor your strength and intelligence and beauty.

    Maybe then, you’ll be able to come back and read this blogpost with the idea that you can’t wait to figure out more ways to rock his world the way that he rocks yours.

    I’m hopeful for you! And I stand with you against all the crap that women (especially Christian women) have had to endure for centuries…

  • @Anonymous

    First of all, thank you for following the blog and also for your comment…

    I can certainly see why this post might make you feel that way.

    And I’m sorry about that.

    What’s funny is that most of your thoughts/feelings about this post are the kind of thoughts/feelings that make me sick to my stomach. I don’t believe sex is a woman’s “duty” or that the man should simply lay back and be pleased. (Listen to the Podcast interviews with Robert Irwin…)

    Oddly enough, I know many men who feel a lot of worry and stress about making sure they please their wives sexually. So I think your stereotype is quickly becoming outdated.

    I also think that, while some Christian women might already know this list of things, others don’t.

    The only reason I haven’t posted the same type of article about women is because I am a man. But again, the vagina as well as clitoral stimulation are discussed on the Podcast interviews with Robert Irwin.

    However, if a woman writer who wants to do the research or offer an opinion, I would certainly be open posting it…

    But I do have one request: Please don’t define the week’s topics with this post. That’s unfair I believe.

    I have tried my best to present differing opinions/thoughts/posts from both men and women…

    Some of those posts even I disagreed with on some level.

    Again, I understand your opinion as much as “a guy” can, and I’m sorry this post offended or made you feel like we were taking giant steps backwards…

    mpt

  • Shula says:

    I thought it was great that you spoke so frankly about these delightful suggestions.

  • Eva Foster says:

    This is my favorite post for sex week. I have really enjoyed your blog this week, thanks for giving me some insight. I should have sent you a question before sex week. I was too embarrassed. Ohwell. Maybe you’ll do a follow up to sex week sometime? Thanks for sex week! I will no longer be ashamed to be a Christian woman who thoroughly enjoys sex with my husband! You rock Matthew.

  • Callum says:

    Good post.

    Good advice.

    C!

  • Anonymous says:

    matthe…obviously sex week could go on and on maybe you should also keep a second blog for the continuous sex conversation…I guess this has shown there is a need for some adult open question and answer platform…..Have you thought about this????

  • Britt says:

    Awesome, tasteful article. Thanks!

  • Pj Perez says:

    KEEP MY BUTT OUT OF THIS.

    mmkthxbai

  • Mel says:

    I’m getting married in December, I just emailed my fiance a link to this post and told him that I’m reading “simply for research purposes”. I think he’s glad that I’m “studying” for such an *important* part of our wedding night! Lol Thanks!