Leave your anonymous questions about sex here. Some of them will get answered by a “sex expert” here at my blog on the second week of August…
🙂
Leave your anonymous questions about sex here. Some of them will get answered by a “sex expert” here at my blog on the second week of August…
🙂
© 2024 Matthew Paul Turner.
I have been asked this by a lot of my patients during my training…
How healthy is sex really?!
I can never answer it and I just say ‘it depends on the person’ – how the hell would I know haha!
re: sex questions.
How does the Lord feel about self-gratification? My husband & i have been separated for 2yrs & 10months. I feel so much guilt over this, but i’ve not (thank God) been with a man since him.
“sex expert” in that you got a girl pregnant once? lol.
ok. here goes. [but i know theres a possibility these may have been answered elsewhere…. they’re not particularly “wild” questions]
did you guys have sex before you got married? and/or were you a virgin? and/or if you did wait, how hard was it on a 1-10 scale?? I can imagine that would be pretty hard.
FYI: I’m not the expert! Promise. 🙂 But I might answer your question…
ok- I thought of something else. before i came to know god’s love, i had sex. and im not married. so all i know is “bad, unmarried” sex. is it bad that i think that “good, married” sex can’t possibly be as good? I mean, I can’t even fathom what married, christian sex is like. Emotionally, it wins, I’m sure… but the physical part gets me. Can you say the same things? Do the same things? (you know what I’m talking about)
ok that’s it.
you got dr. ruth?!?!? YES!!
This may have been asked before….
Is masturbation Biblicaly wrong? Where does it state this? Will masturbation before marriage damage or ruin one’s ability to have a healthy/fulfilling sexual relationship with their future marriage partner?
How does God feel about Role Playing games when it comes to sex? For example–whips, chains, etc.
Does size really matter? And what is a man’s typical size?
I have no question, but I must say… GASP! A blog on sex from a Christian writer? What is wrong with you Matthew?!
😉
I’m getting married next month. My husband-to-be and I come from conservative, Christian, homeschooling families and will remain virgins until our wedding night. Thus, everyone knows what we’ll be doing about an hour after we leave the reception. How do we deal with the super awkward, joking comments made by our parents, friends and pastor before, during and after the wedding? (Mom already tried to take me shopping for “something easy to take off on wedding night.” How do we deal with these comments politely and tactfully?
In short: WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT TO TALK TO THE VIRGINS ABOUT SEX?!
When people say they had four hours of fun in bed, it seems ludicrous to me. I believe I’m unusual (right?) because I can reach an orgasm within minutes – I have always been able to reach it as quickly as my husband. I’ve heard a number of girls talking about taking 30-40 minutes to reach an orgasm, and I can’t even imagine that. We can take our time as well, but ultimately our sexual experiences are relatively short. Are we really unusual?
Masturbation is a common question, I guess. I struggled with guilt about masturbation for years, and went to talk to a counselor at my Christian college about it. It didn’t really help that when I told my story she basically told me she’d never heard of anyone like me before. I’m a girl… and I remembered masturbation and struggling with it from early childhood all the way through the teen years. I understand it is common in both males and females in the teens, but what about children? What do you advise parents say to their children (even younger children) about masturbation
Why isn’t pre-marital sex talked more openly about? No one talked to me about getting pregnant before marriage until I did get pregnant before marriage… and then stories came from everyone, everywhere!
Also… I know it’s not uncommon for women to not climax during sex. But is it also incommon for men to not climax?
Props, MPT, for being so open and honest. Thanks.
If God gave us this beautiful gift, why did he not also give us both the same desire for it?
Can I chime in here? Not with a question, but with a little commiseration…
Sarah, I feel for you. I was a soon to be married virgin once. (A long time ago. In a land far, far away.) I occasionally heard those same comments. I didn’t deal with them politely. When it was my friends, it wasn’t bad. Friends pick on each other for just about everything. But, family members just should not go there. It’s so…tacky!
When they gave “advice” I tended to respond with, “It can’t be that hard…you figured it out.”
Finally, I am far (some may say too far) from prudish, but you still couldn’t pay me to go lingerie shopping with my mother. I throw up in my mouth a little just thinking about it. 😉
To the 5:12 pm Anonymous–in my experience, no, married sex does not at all compare physically to unmarried sex. We both seem to have lost our drive, and don’t know what to do about it!
And 10:49 Anonymous–I’m totally in your boat, and hubby and I are pretty sure that’s why I’m not in 10:46 Anonymous’ boat!
http://christiannymphos.org/
Why is it that I can rock it all night like a porn star when we are getting freaky, but as soon as we go for the vaginal intercourse I am more like a bull rider–8 seconds?
After three years of marriage, still, every time my husband and I have sex… nothing. It’s gotten to the point where it’s tolerable. It doesn’t hurt, it’s just a freaking chore! Only a worse chore than ironing because he always wants to have sex when I’m ready to go to bed, and of course, he drifts right off afterwards while I’m awake and contemplating hitting him on the head with my book because I’m awake for another hour.
How in the world does he expect it to be fun for me when we start kissing, mind you it’s only beginning the kissing when I know we’re about to have sex otherwise it’s no kissing, that he asks every 60 seconds “Are you ready?” So, finally it’s like, fine, go ahead so I can at least read my book and do something stimulating.
Wow. So glad I got that off my chest!
What about oral sex? Does it belong in a Christian marriage? Is it demeaning to women? What about certain positions during sexual intercourse?
Why do Christians avoid the topic of sex? For the first time ever I heard a Christian woman say that she missed her husband. And that was because we heard someone haveing sex in the hotel we were staying and she wanted to “remember her husband.”
It blew my mind that Christians were “allowed” to think that way.
I know that we have Song of Songs or Solomon what ever you want to call it, but who knew that people really expressed it in real life.
1. What does the term “sexual immorality” really mean? Does it include consensual sex between two unmarried people or does it have more to do with one person taking advantage of another, rape, incest, beastiality, etc.? This is a HOT topic among the single Christians I know.
2. Why do so many Christians believe that masturbation is sinful or evil or dangerous? I don’t get it. Nothing in Scripture indicates this except for the Old Testament passage where Onan (or whatever the dude’s name was) spilled his seed (love that phrase) because he didn’t want to be the father of (and therefore responsible for) his dead brother’s wife’s baby. Other than that, Scripture is silent on the issue. Or am I missing something?
3. Is using pornography to spice things up wrong for two married Christians?
A comment for 5:12 Anonymous: I’m divorced now, but I was married for 14 years. Our married sex was pretty hot–it never got old. But then, we probably said things and did things that many “good” Christian couples would classify as “bad.” ;^)
I’ve read that it’s uncommon for women to reach orgasm just from penetration. Is that true? I’ve been married for over a year and still have a hard time having an orgasm. Is that normal? I was a virgin when I got married and for some reason, I thought sex would be easier than it is….not that it’s hard, it just took longer to figure it all out than I thought it would.
Is it common for a woman to have both internal and clitoral orgasms? I can have clitoral all day long but don’t know how to have the other. I never know the right sensation to go with.
Hi,
Not sure if this is really a question for the Sex Expert but since I’ve looked through the Bible and all over the Internet and haven’t found a real answer to my question…where in the Bible does it say it’s wrong to have sex before marriage? I understand adultery is wrong but it just doesn’t seem clear to me that it’s wrong to have sex when neither party is married…don’t get me wrong, I don’t think one night stands are okay. When I talk to my christian friends about this, I either get “it’s in there” w/o any reference or “I just know it’s wrong”.
All I can come up with on my own is that God created marriage and for sex to be between married people (but where does it talk about sex being only for married people?)
And if it’s so wrong, why didn’t I feel guilty? I feel guilty about everything I do that’s the slightest bit wrong.
I think this may be my most looked forward to post…
It’s a huge opportunity to minister and educate, in my humble opinion. People, evidently, deal with a lot of the same questions about sex… and since we all know that most people on the planet have sex, I think we would be best served by letting teenagers know about everything surrounding this issue sooner rather than later.
Personally, I would have appreciated it. The horrible stigma surrounding sex makes it so much worse!
It would seem from the questions above, that during the times people are not reading your blog, they are busy masturbating.
You should get Kleenex to throw up a banner ad!
doesn’t your mom read this?
@Anonymous 4:27 PM:
My mom reads my blog on occasion. Do you think this post will make her blush?!
🙂
Masturbation: it’s not wrong if you don’t lust. Good luck not lusting though. I have heard of people who claim not to though.
Anonymous 6:20- my wife and I had a hard time figuring it out at first. We just talked about it with each other. I usually pleasure her before we have sex and then the sex is better for her too after she has had an orgasm.
What is right or wrong: I think as long as what is going on in the bedroom, or whereever, promotes the unity of you and your spouse, it is good. I don’t care what posision it is or what is going on during your time. If it doesn’t seperate you and promotes unity in your marriage than it is good….very good!! Masturbation doesn’t really promote unity….so if your single and can do it without lust, great! Once you are married though everything revolving sex should promote unity. If it does it can’t be wrong.
Josh: You don’t think that masturbation can promote unity? What if a woman’s husband is exhausted after a long work day and just doesn’t feel like having sex? Or she didn’t have an orgasm during their lovemaking that night and he is already drifting off to sleep, so she starts pleasuring herself and he gets turned on? That sounds pretty unifying to me…Even if he doesn’t get involved and just goes to sleep, isn’t it more “unifying” for her to satisfy her own urges without putting more pressure on him to please her or for her to fall asleep angry with her spouse for not meeting that need?
Or let’s say a husband is on a business trip away from his wife for an extended period or that she has just delivered a baby and sex is uncomfortable for her (or off limits per her Dr.’s suggestions) for a few weeks? If his hormones are raging, is it more unifying for him to masturbate with his wife in mind or to pressure her to hurry up and have sex or for him to hook up with someone else (in person or in thought). I would say masturbation with your spouse in mind does promote unity.
Now, masturbation for singles and whether or not it can be done without lust for a particular person…it’ll be interesting to hear what our “sex expert” has to say. I’ve read a few books which indicate that some Christian women who’ve been raised with the idea that sexual fantasy about a particular person is sin have learned to think about body parts and not a particular person, thereby being able to be aroused without “sinning.” Interesting, eh?
I would much rather have my teenager masturbating than hooking up and risking STDs and/or pregnancy. It seems that the abstinence campaign hasn’t really been successful in increasing the numbers of Christians waiting until marriage to engage in sexual activity, so maybe we ought to be encouraging the idea of self-pleasuring instead.
That would also result in better “wedding night sex” for two Christian virgins because they know their own bodies well enough to express to their partners what feels good and what doesn’t work as well. (Yes, believe it or not I AM a Christian.)
Second week of August? The suspense is going to kill me… ;^)
Oh I am soooo excited!!! I read your wifes blog, and check here periodically, and well this post totally got me!!! Woot Woot! Okay here are my questions and thoughts that in no way you can ask a leader or pastor face to face :)… I am a newer Christian (Nov 2008) Before this I was sexually abused as a child and teenager, and then in Sept/Oct 2008was in an physically and sexually abusive relationship. Now, keep in mind, I am REALLY confused about sex. Ask your sex expert, will the fear go away when it comes to sex. I am not EVER having sex until I get married though, and I am really worried about my future husband. I don’t want him hating me because I freak out, or anything like that.
Now that I have had a taste of sex, what am I supposed to do to help those urges? When I was in that one and only relationship I was introduced to porn and become addicted (took a long time but I am now on monitored computer). I am pretty sure God frowns of masturbation. Is this true? But see, I don’t know how you can masturbate without watching something, reading something, or thinking of something that isn’t pornographic. So really I don’t know if a person can… But WHAT are you supposed to do with those urges??? HOW do you NOT feel attracted or lust after a guy. I don’t know if there is a differance, but seriously, it gets to the point I just wont look at the opposite sex. Then people think I am a prude. I’m not too worried about the married part yet (cause im not there yet), but I am worried as to how to control the sexual urges in a way God approves of, and what can I do so that I don’t freak out when I do get married, and have sex with my husband.
Kristina, 21
ttm: I suppose if your spouse knows your doing it and doesnt care or likes it than that is great. If it is a secret or something that isnt talked about between you and your spouse than i dont think it promotes unity.
I understand your point and it is well taken…..if your spouse knows and doesnt care that you masturbate.
Thanks for this blog. I hate it when people associate Christianity with asexuality. As a primer, look up what constitutes a “sexual sin” in the bible and move on from there. And remember this: “adultery” means having sex with a married woman who is not your wife. Even Jesus knew this…
I’m not a married Christian girl… I have a boyfriend of two years…
But yes, oral sex does come in the picture and quite frequently for us. Granted, I like giving it better than I like getting it but my boyfriend knows this and has come to terms with it 🙂
I don’t think that we have really ever said no to a certain intercourse position. I do have the cosmo sex book… 🙂
We don’t watch porn though, he doesn’t masturbate (I sometimes do with the bathtub). And we’re not into tying each up with scarves or handcuffs or anything weird like that. The weirdest place we ever had sex was on the trampoline (which was in the middle of nowhere!).
We like the bed, plain and simple. Sure we’ve tried couches and steps, showers, tables, but the bed is numero uno for us.
Of course, this is coming from a not married but has a boyfriend Christian girl, so please don’t judge too harshly on me.
I actually thought that I was going to end up a virgin until I got married but a drunken one night stand at Jerry Falwell’s rival college did me in. It was NOT the best way to lose my virginity and then the drinking and sex for four years led to more sex in relationships.
But I didn’t know you could have love and sex in the same relationship until the one I’m in now. Not always easy (even aside from the fact that he’s divorced, with 2 kids).
But this relationship is wonderful both emotionally and physically. And thankfully when the two combine, it’s out of this world! 🙂
Is anything allowed for a married couple if both are in agreement? More specifically, how about having another person in bed with them?
That is something my husband and I enjoy but it hasn’t happened in a long time because I struggle with “is God ok with this?”
Thanks
Josh: I agree with you. If masturbation is done in secret and/or regularly takes the place of sexual intimacy in marriage, it could be very damaging to the relationship. Thank you for clarifying and dialoguing with me.
MPT: Do you have any idea how refreshing it is to see a Christian writer tackling this subject in an authentic way? Wow. Thanks for opening the door to a very interesting and needed conversation about sexuality among Christians…
Most people probably wouldn’t call this a problem, but here’s mine: I get easily aroused. You know how males are stereotypically seen as people who “respond” when they read or see something even moderately sexual in nature? That’s me — except I’m a woman, and single (and extremely likely to stay single for the next five years or so). As you can imagine, this makes it pretty difficult to stay pure, and as a university student, I sometimes have to work with books and movies that have suggestive or sexual scenes (which can be completely non-descriptive or non-steamy and still have a big effect on me) so I go through daily life with a lot of fear and shame. In fact, if/when I do begin dating, I plan to avoid kissing before the wedding day since I know that physical contact has that effect on me… But I don’t even know how I’ll explain this to my would-be boyfriend without thoroughly embarrassing myself and him. So basically, I’m asking, what am I supposed to do about this? Where does one draw the line between a physical response and lust — is it a sin to physically lust after something, or is it natural because that’s how God wired me? Am I supposed to avoid movies/books/images that arouse me?