“Mommy, what is that?”
“Oh, Sweetie, that’s a picture of how much God loves the world! He loved the world so much that he took a cross made of 4X4s and penetrated the vital organs of a sheep-looking creature just for you, Baby. Doesn’t seeing it make you feel loved and hope-filled?”
“Mommy, is that the same sheep that Jesus left the other 99 to go find?”
“No, Baby, I’m sure that’s a different sheep.”
OK, so a friend sent me this picture. It’s a “Church Banner.” You know, a homemade “Christian” decoration that somebody thought would look great hanging up in the church vestibule to celebrate Easter time, or better yet I imagine the creator of this banner saying, “Pastor Bill, I made a little something to hang up above the baptistry pool!”
I have a few questions/comments about this banner…
-Is that a sheep that the cross is stabbing or a Labrador Retriever? Labrador of God doesn’t have the same “ring” to it as Lamb of God does. And whatever it is, it appears that it’s still alive. My gosh, close the poor thing’s eyes. I feel like it’s looking at me.
-And what pray tell is that red tornado-looking thing just beneath Lady the Labrador Retriever? Is the dog’s blood being funneled to the North Pole? Did the banner’s creator paint the dog too high and have to improvise?
-Please notice that the “world” is an actual globe that’s been cut in half! Yes. The world is in 3D, people! So clever. But if you’re a Christian, you have to feel sorry for the people living below the Equator. God’s red saving paint doesn’t cross over into the Southern Hemisphere too often according to this artist.
-I wonder if PETA has seen this.
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“Hopefully there’s enough of that lamb’s blood to cover Australia, ‘cuz otherwise, dang, those Australians are screwed.”
Wow. I never saw the giant bloody lamb in the Louie Giglio video.
(as I type this, no joke, my “word verification” is “sheep”)
Caption: Church Banners by First-Something Church’s Children’s Department.
“And some day Jesus will come back and burn it all up, because he loves us so much!”
Little Johnny’s 4-H Project!
is that cross up the lambs butt?
owie.
Jesus took the wheel… and ran over my poor doggie.
“Take a lamb…and with it’s blood, mark the little and posts of every door. For tonight, I shall pass through the land of Egypt, and smite all the first born.”
“O Lamb of God, Who Takes Away the Appetite of the World”
Ugh! I’ll skip out on coffee hour, thanks…
Wendy
Easter lunch
Max Lucado ain’t got JACK on them! geez!
Here, children, is why North America is more righteous than the rest of the world. The lamb is above us, you see, and the blood…
Oh. My. Gosh. You find the craziest stuff, Matthew.
“Earth: Final Conflict” indeed.
I feel like it would have worked better if they would have used a scary font… the pretty script just doesn’t have the right kind of follow-through…
Finally sarcastic atheists are given their easy feed for the worship of “dog” bumperstickers
what the hell.
jesus’ blood can’t even cover a three dimensional globe?
Um. Wow. Yeah…still searching, but just have no words.
Kelly
This makes me want to see their wall of tracts.
Your commentary’s pretty funny, but how sad for the young minds at that church. PETA is based in my area. Want me to send them to that church? They publicly attacked (verbally) my former pastor because we gave away gold fish at our church fair.
I liked your commentary. I am sure thius banner has been used on a title album for a heavy metal band called Lamb of God.
Another innocent road kill in the Crusade for the North Pole.
Labrador is Latin for Lamb of God.
This is the sickest thing I’ve ever seen.
I have no words…which is shocking!
Can you imagine if the lamb was also in “3D”…now that would be artwork?!
As the creators of the banner artwork, our entire design team is highly offended by your post. As a media firm, we are always looking at new ways to engage culture in a visceral way.
We’ve had great success in scaring small children into the faith with our interpretation of “The Lamb.”
This is CrossPoint’s new Easter Series Concept for next year.
Hey Matt: try some of this when that dog’s been there long enough to stink…
http://www.weirduniverse.net/blog/permalink/the_smell_of_infallibility/
Johnny could trace his recurring childhood nightmare about Killer Sheep down to his one idle stroll down a dark church hallway…
Surrounded by Baptists, I’ve always wanted to fill the church fountain with real blood.
The graphic imagery our hymns use and we just smile and sing out (zippedeedodah).
Holy mother of God. That was funny.
I’m not super comfortable with my 4 yr old being taught about the crucifixion, but no! The kids need to know all the gory details! Ugh.
Growing up as a pastor’s kid, this banner helps confirm why I was so freaked out of being alone in the numerous rooms of the church. Thank you…
Well, that, and I was always expecting to hear the slow, terrorizing tune of “Pop Goes the Weasel” as some demon shot out of the ground, with eight arms, seven of them holding the other nomad pastor kids…
Geesh, growing up as a PK is terrifying
Matthew you’ve greatly inspired me with this post!
Please check out my first post of a series I’m calling “Scared Slightly Shiz-less by Sundays: Thoughts of Growing up in Church.” In honor of this malformed lamb’s, courageous sacrifice!
This really helps me shed light on my childhood 🙂 Thanks!