I’m taking care of Elias today. He’s currently sleeping his in the swing. I thought I’d try to write a quick blog. I’ve had a hard time blogging lately, mostly because I’ve been working on a couple articles for Lifeway and the deadlines are fast approaching.
The last couple months have been a little hard on Jessica and me financially. The tour I was supposed to be on got moved to the spring. The election and the economy was making it difficult to book, so it was decided to just move it. Which is understandable, of course. But because I expected to be out on the road, I decided to take time off from scheduling writing assignments. I didn’t think I’d have time. So yeah, that has made this holiday season a little tight. Thankfully, Jessica and I don’t live beyond our means. I don’t say that proudly. It’s just the way it is. But even when you try to live modestly, it’s hard sometimes.
I just hate how financial woes or setbacks or “$urpri$es” almost always seem to affect my mood. Seriously, it’s pathetic. Anytime Jessica and I are going through a rough patch relationally–you know, fussing at each other more than usual (often about stupid things), it can almost always be threaded back to money. How sad is that? When our financial life is good, easy–comfortable–then it seems everything else is easy and comfortable too. We’re happy. We never argue. Life seems almost perfect. But as soon as we hit a spot where the money isn’t flowing in like we think it needs to–bam!–suddenly, there’s a whole list of reasons to bicker at one another.
Perhaps that’s why scripture says the love of money is the root of all evil.
So anyway, I’m really going to try to not let our financial situation–whether good, bad, or in-between– dictate my emotions. Jesus was pretty clear about the control money can have on you, that it can lead us down destructive paths. I think sometimes we think those words are only for the wealthy. But they aren’t. They were meant for poor people too. The middle class. The upper middle class. All of us, no matter what our financial situation might be. At least, that’s what I am learning…
So… how does “money” affect your mood?
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Wow- It’s like you read my mind! I have been thinking a lot about this subject, too, along with the ‘love of money’ thoughts…and it is sad how we take out our insecurities and frustrations on the ones we love the most, instead of relying on the Lord to see us through. Thanks for the reminder!
oh boy, I’m right there with ya! I’m struggling financially right now because I am absolutely desperate to get out of debt and I hate how stressed out I am about this all the time, but I don’t seem to be able to completely let go of the stress or the things the stress does to me physically. I have MS – an over abundance of stress is an absolute physical problem for me because of this – not the normal I feel like crap because I’m totally stressed out, but unable to function physically because of the toll the lack of sleep and the excess stress hormone production takes on my muscles.. so, I’m completely obsessed with getting out of consumer debt. I never carry a lot anyhow because debt just freaks me out in general. Had to have a rebuild done which I had to take a loan for – given that the floor in the bathroom was caving in and I was soon to find myself falling through it – it had to be done – but I still don’t seem to be able to accept that completely and let go of the money stress I feel from this loan.
1 thing I have noticed – the older I get the less tolerance I have for debt – not sure if that’s because of aging or just life experience or what
Money worries can definitely put a massive damper on a good day though. I have noticed more and more that I can actually catalog the ways in which God provides for me during these lean financial periods though – and I have made a habit of writing them down to remind myself of when I really get freaked out… but I will be a much more settled person when I can get this loan off my head and even doubly nicer when I can finally get out from under my credit card balance.. financial peace makes for a peaceful me :o)
I think this is common among most married couples. Money does bring a sense of security and when that security isn’t as ‘secure’ both partners seem to get edgy for different reasons. I know from experience. Yes, you have to make a conscious effort to not let money have that kind of control on your emotions. It’s not easy, but your relationships will benefit from it!
Besides love of money, etc., one reason my husband and I bicker about money is lack of security. I know I should trust God with my life, etc., but I don’t like my security – and I associate money with a lot of that – to be in balance. But, my husband and I are working through it, and I am trying to live one day at a time…
I can certainly attest to our financial status being directly connected to my mood. I’d love for that not to be the case, but its something Im aware of and try desperately to fix. I desire to lean on God to be my source.
thanks for sharing Matthew…definitely something I can relate to.
The good news is, the fact that you are aware of it and trying to fight it puts you ahead of the curve.
like you guys, we try to with with or below our means, but our mortgage was just bought by another bank and the new bank has been difficult to deal with and long story short, things are tight.
i find i get a bit more judgmental – not of myself, of course. and it seems like there is an air of tension around. i try to remind myself that worry doesn’t help, but usually at that point, i hear something else that send me back at it.
i guess i just need to always remind myself of constant trust in Jesus and love for my wife.
@Diane and Southern Gal: Security! That’s a very good point. I’m totally guilty of finding my “security” in money. I think too, there’s a sense of “feeling masculine” (that might not be the best term–and it might not simply be a “man thing”) that comes from being able to “provide” for my family. But I’m wondering: what is “true provision”? I think our 21st Century way of life has mucked up the idea of true provision… at least, in my own life it has…
i can relate too. since my wife and i got together, we decided that we will never live beyond our means, but with the economy the way it is, and being a pastor, i find it hard these days.
we have a little 1 1/2 year old girl, and just found out another on the way, and well, we are freaking out a bit. I too have the masculine “provider” thing about me, and i know God called me here, but man is it tough.
I think that it helps men to hear other men share that they realize that money is the root of the tension in the relationship, because for us, it probably is, even if it seems it isn’t.
Prayer is huge in times like this, but like the other guy says, since we know what the problem is, we are ahead of the curb as far as that goes.
P.S. my girl loved to nap in her swing at that age too, i am getting our swing back out here in about 7 months, just for that purpose.
Thanks,
Matt
After starting a church from scratch (read, no support) 3 years ago, I have certainly learned that God will provide for our needs. That’s almost the easy part.
It’s the tight times…when you are opting between orange juice or paper towel…both of which you can literally live without, but both of which are really nice to have, but you can’t afford both…oh, that is when things are sticky! For me, it’s about the loss of freedom. I hate having my wings clipped.
I try to use that as motivation to go back to my studio and make something or list something in my etsy shop…sometimes that is enough to fuel me into making some of the pieces I’ve like the best.
And other times, the lack of freedom has forced me to sit still and listen to God. Also not a bad thing.
Good luck! Maybe you’ll stumble upon an idea for your next great book in the squeeze….
Almost every time my parents fight, it has to do with finances. They’ve been married almost twenty-five years, and they love each other dearly. But when they argue over money, you’d never know that about them. Elevated discussions turn into screaming matches. And I can’t do anything about it.
Guess the enemy certainly takes advantage of that…hmm, this is so true. I hope I will learn to be content someday when I get married, even when money is tight…it seems so trivial in the grand scheme of things that matter.
I’m there with you too. We have never lived beyond our means per se, but have probably not factored in enough wiggle room. We are a bit out to the edge at the moment,and for me it relates to trust. Do I really believe if we are making sound choices and still are out there (we made a decision to purchase property in Honduras, because we are planning on serving there lt in the future, and the opportunity was a good one which, until the bottom fell out of the market, should have been virtually self supporting as an investment; i.e. vacation rental…) and now of course, everything is different.
I just took a part time job in nursing, which of course, cuts in to my writing time…but this too shall pass, and we are so much more fortunate than others.
Now, my son just cracked a rib and may have to extend his final semester in college because he is doing an internship that requires physical activity (wilderness survival/outdoor trips…) so that means more rent, more dependence, he also needs wrist surgery, that will probably need to be postponed because anesthesia will balk at putting him to sleep…and the dominos fall. Do I trust? I try. Am I worried? Sometimes. Has God let me down yet? No.
Thanks for your post today. Its in these times that a light is shed on areas that we don’t have to deal with or see everyday. Sometimes it reveals pretty, other times….well, not so pretty. 🙂 But its also in these times that we grow, and learn, if we choose that path. Know that you are not alone! And have fun with Elias today!!
Honestly – I feel rubbish without it cause you dnt realise all the little things/neccessaities you buy with it. In saying that though – when I am without money ans then payday arrives I am quite proud of how I have managed without it 🙂 xxx.
It’s funny that you should post this. My boyfriend and I both just graduated with master’s degrees in Public Health in May, and while he just got a job and will start next week, I’m still searching.
We have cut dates out nearly entirely and have taken jobs from landscaping to painting to kiosk-working. It has been very trying, and our relationship does suffer the repercussions occasionally. It’s definitely not easy, especially when there are student loans to pay back and no job opportunities in sight. It’s not easy, but not living beyond our means does help. Also, we make conscious efforts not to take it out on each other, but still find ourselves doing it at times.
It’s kind of ironic because we learned in grad school about how people who live at or below poverty level are affected not just emotionally, but also the health and relationship isssues that pop up as well. Now it seems that we’re actually facing this ourselves; the weariness that comes from juggling several part-time jobs just to make ends meet, then only being able to give each other the “leftover” time. No wonder money is the number one issue that leads to divorce!
Wow Matthew-
You hit the head on the nail! and that often hurts- you stepped on some toes- but its good! I understand – too bad we “depend” on money so much – we need to remember our dependance should be in God not what’s in our checkbook – He owns it all! Cutting back is no fun – in our society to always want more- never to be happy with what we have – so we have to buy buy buy- Lets put our focus on God and not on money –
peace brother!
I think most of us think about money all the time … even when we don’t realize we’re thinking about it. It’s always in the subconscious, because we can’t adequately survive without it. I do hope this economic crisis causes all of us to look deeper and to realize that all we have comes from God and our true treasures are with Him. The recent woes have dampened my spirit a bit, but coming before God each day with our praises, thanks, and needs lifts me up.
Thanks for such an authentic post!
I know someone who had it all once, he drove a Range Rover, had a nice little cottage on a large lot, had a decent job and about $9k in the bank, he was in a what seemed to be a good relationship with a great girl, it seemed like all of his dreams were coming true..
until he lost his job and had relationship problems, and family problems, he lost his house, his friends, his car and ended up homeless.
Since he has recovered and still wants all those things out of life, but he no longer worries about having money or not – losing it all changes your perspectives.
We are in the same boat going down the same river with you guys MAtthew. I think we are all struggling in one way or another- be it finances, marriages, relationships with our kids, and just dealing with how the wrold is these days. We recently moved becuase we had to for some serious issues that came about on our street. I now have the pleasure of trying to sell one house and paying for another. Man you talk about things being tight.
AllI do know is to pray. God I know you know all that is going on- I know that NONE O THIS comes to a surprise to you. – I know you are waiting it out to wait me out. Lord I love you adn for your love I am Thankful. I am Thankful I have a job. I am Thankful I have a husband that adores me. I am Thankful for all of my 4 great and adorable kids. But most of all Lord I am Tahnkful you see me in a beauty that surpasses all of my understanding. I feel wretched at times but you see beauty. I feel ugly sometimes but you see beauty. I can be nasty to the ones I love but you always forgive me.
I wish everyone a wonderful and Merry Christmas!