this was going to go in my book jesus needs new pr (but now it’s outdated)

A STIFF MESSAGE
On July 5, 2006, I was at Starbucks reading The New York Times and sipping my over-sweetened coffee when my eyes fell on an article implying the impossible: “On Independence Day, Lady Liberty was born again!”

Indeed, at first glance it seemed that several leaders at one of the largest churches in Memphis were claiming they had led the Statue of Liberty into a relationship with Jesus. After reading the headline, I did my little praise dance, which at the time, seemed like the least I could do since it’s not every day that I get to thank God for his decision to welcome statues into the kingdom of heaven.

However, I did have several burning questions. For one, how did a church in Memphis get the good news to The Statue of Liberty? Did someone have to brave the stench of the New York Harbor and swim out to our Lady’s side and then lead her toward the narrow way? Did they parachute a Gideon’s Bible in for her to read? Or did they go on a guided tour and while no one was looking talk to her about Jesus?

But upon finishing the entire article, I realized, that fortunately, I had taken the headline out of context.

The World Overcomers Outreach Ministries Church hadn’t actually led Lady Liberty to Jesus. Instead, they had cloned The Statue of Liberty and created their very own six-story Lady Liberty-knock-off and placed it in the middle of their inner city for the world to see. But according to the church, their creation was a whole lot more than patriotic décor cloned in the heart of America.

You see, the Statue of Liberation Through Christ, as she’s been subtly named, has been enhanced.

She comes completely accessorized with some of Judeo-Christianity’s most treasured trappings, including a cross (which she lifts above her head), the Ten Commandments (which she nestles next to her left breast), and of course, a tear running down one side of her face, which is a symbol of her lament for the sins of America. (I don’t know about you, but I believe all patriotic symbols should include a tear for the sins of America.) The church also scored Lady Liberation a top-quality location, too—right across the street from a Taco Bell (which is quite convenient, making it easy for her to stand proud, be a witness for Jesus, and if necessary, make a run for the border).

Apparently, reminding pedestrians that America is about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness wasn’t enough. This born-again version also leads people in downtown Memphis to Jesus.

Yep, that’s right…and Elvis has been seen leading a small herd of cattle in Argentina to water.

It’s not everyday that you hear about a megachurch surprising its city with a seventy-two foot erection. Well, not in broad daylight.

According to Apostle Alton R. Williams, the guy who dreamed this up, his work of art is not at all indecent; he seems to think it has a good purpose. In the article he’s quoted as saying, “(Lady Liberation) is a creative means of just really letting people know that God is the foundation of our nation.”

The Memphis Apostle believes his statue is a creative way to let people know that America’s foundation is most definitely Almighty God. Unfortunately, regardless of whether or not his message is true, the fact remains that dressing up the Statue of Liberty is really not that creative; however, since it’s his work of art, it’s probably good that he’s impressed with it. I think this becomes especially true whenever the time comes for him to consider the fact that he could have fed several thousand Sudanese children for many years with the money he spent on the statue.

So, why did Apostle Alton erect Lady Liberation?

At the unveiling, he said: “This statue proves that Jesus Christ is Lord over America, he is Lord over Tennessee, he is Lord over Memphis.”

Wow. That’s a mouthful.

(more stuff from Jesus Needs New PR soon)

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