I’ve got an addiction. Actually, I’ve got several. But this is one I’m willing to blog about.
I really enjoy saving people. No, I’m not talking about evangelizing. I’m talking about my addiction to saving my friends–people I love dearly–from things I believe they are falling victim to–things like disappointment or sadness or mistakes or depression or guilt or whatever… oh, I think I’m quite talented… I love when I get to go into “savior” mode.
At times, I believe my attempt to save people is out of a desire to help a friend. Which is probably true 15 percent of the time. Sure, it’s out of love for them, and I don’t want them to be hurt or sad, etc, but I’m realizing that most often my attempts at “saving” people are for selfish reasons.
When a friend is going through a period in his or her life that’s difficult, it affects me. It causes me to feel anxiety or fear or hopelessness. It’s a lack of trust, really. And even though I know I am incapable of saving anybody–and I’m just assuming sometimes that the person needs saving–but still I always want to try. I have to try.
But in a lot of ways, my tactics–if you can call them that–are just an attempt to save myself or keep myself safe.
And the truth is, I’ve been guilty of trying to “save myself” this week, which means I went into panic mode, jumped to conclusions, and offered a lot of noise. But I haven’t saved anybody. Not me. Not anybody else.
But I never do. Yet I keep trying.
I can’t save anything. I can’t save anything. I can’t save anything.
Well, money. I could save money. But that’s different. The costs involved in saving money aren’t nearly as high as when I go and try “saving” a friend.
Sigh.
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