this month’s collide magazine column

courtesy of Collide Magazine

Fa La La La La

By Matthew Paul Turner

Merry Christmas! And to my Episcopal friends, Happy Hanukkah! Speaking of Christmas, are we planning another holiday war this year? As you know, it’s been an annual festivity since 2005. This time of year, certain media outlets start buzzing about the war. No, not that war. The War On Christmas.

To hear them talk, you might think Hollywood’s most powerful Jews were holding Jesus hostage somewhere in Canada. It’s not uncommon to hear reports that school children all across the country are being reprimanded for saying the word “Christmas,” Target and Kohl’s aren’t allowing their employees to say ‘Merry You-Know-What,” and that Hillary Clinton has been seen trying to slide down people’s chimneys in an attempt to steal decorations, stockings, presents and all of the Who pudding.

My favorite moment of the “news” coverage has to be when one talking head looked into the camera with a straight face and said, “Every company in America should be on its knees thanking Jesus for being born. Without Christmas, most American businesses would be far less profitable.”

Wow. I’m pretty sure a raging atheist couldn’t have come up with a better argument as to why saying “Happy Holidays” rather than “Merry Christmas” is more appropriate for department stores. With that statement, the broadcaster not only yanked Christ out of Christmas, he put a price tag on him and posted a link on eBay.

How bad is the war on Christmas? According to that same broadcaster, this bad: “In Dodgeville, Wisconsin,” he proclaimed, “the Ridgewood Elementary School has changed the song Silent Night to Cold in the Night and forced the kids to sing the lyrics.” He then cleared his throat and began reading the lyrics to the Jesus-less song: “Cold in the night, no one in sight, winter winds whirl and bite.” He then smiled.

However, a few weeks later, I discovered that the Silent Night story from Wisconsin ended up being, well, a big fat falsehood! The “evildoers” who changed the lyrics of Silent Night to war against Jesus’ birth were actually putting on a play—one called “The Littlest Tree’s Christmas Gift”—and it had actually been written by a devout Presbyterian. In fact, the play wasn’t even a new one; the author had written the song in 1988 and legally borrowed the tune of Silent Night, which is in public domain.

Even so, a few evangelicals decided to retaliate last Christmas. One of them was Paula White, the platinum blonde pastor of the 22,000-member Without Walls International Church in Tampa, FL. In an effort to speak out against those who were trying to wrap up baby Jesus up and send him back to Bethlehem or at least kick him off public property, Paula had several of her church’s janitors get up on ladders and hang a tractortrailer-size sign on the side of her church. What was Paula’s holiday message to the world? Glad tidings of great joy? Not exactly. This little gem: “To Hell With Happy Holidays! Put Christ Back Into Christmas!”

Hmm. Which is worse for Jesus: Target employees who wish their customers a friendly, albeit forced, Happy Holidays or Paula White’s sign?

So, what the fa la la la la are we going to do this year—dress ourselves up in bulbs, lights and tinsel, and then stand out on public property and demand to be called Christmas trees? Would that make the story of Jesus more real?

Jesus is the Prince of Peace; do we really think he would spend one moment of time trying to ensure that nativity statues get displayed on public property during the month of December? Is that what being Christian is all about? I don’t believe so.

Thankfully, when it’s all said and done I’m pretty sure Jesus will survive the war on Christmas. He’s out-survived the Spanish Inquisition and The Last Temptation of Christ, and it looks like he’ll outlast Pat Robertson, too. But you know, just because he can survive the mess we make of him doesn’t mean he should have to.

Happy Holidays.

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