[A LITTLE MORE] ABOUT SEX

The following is an excerpt from What You Didn’t Learn From Your Parents About Sex

It’s Not Good For Man [or Woman] To Be Alone

God made this statement, not me. For a long time, much like I misunderstood sex, I didn’t truly “get” my need for a woman and a woman’s need for me. For some reason, the very thought of my needing a woman made me feel dependent.

I guess I should explain, though, that I certainly did understand part of my need for a woman—I’m like any normal guy—but I had hardly scratched the surface. However, now that I’m married, I’m on a journey toward understanding it, embracing it, and making it core in my everyday life. And my wife is on that same path.

Before marriage, every time I would hear a preacher or biblical teacher mention, “It isn’t good for man to be alone,” I couldn’t help but think of those three words Tom told Renee in Jerry Maguire: “You complete me.” Such a cheesy line, but boy, in 1996 when that movie first released, that line made me cry like a blubbering fool.

The words were sweet.

They were tender.

They seemed almost true.

But one day I realized they weren’t true.

Man and woman don’t complete each other; they were never meant to. But they do need each other.

I think when some people, both men and women, hear this God-statement, they tend to focus on the fact that God only mentioned man. This is a flawed perspective, I believe. Consider this: According to a seminary buddy of mine, several of his professors believe that in Hebrew, the word used for “man” in this statement is a sexless reference to “humanity,” not to a masculine being. [Think mankind.] In Hebrew, the word used for “man” when referencing man and woman changes to one with masculine connotations. God’s statement has implications for both men and women, even today. In these eight simple words, God captures the mystery of marriage, sexuality, and his ideal plan to perpetuate life, goodness, and passion on earth.
I may upset a few of you with this statement, but I’m going to say it anyway:

In other words, it would seem that according to God’s original plan in Genesis, a helpmate is hugely important, an essential part of God’s plan for your life. Yes, I know helpmate is a rather old-fashioned word. But it’s the best word to describe this girl-boy union that God finds so irresistibly perfect. [PLEASE NOTE: Some Jesus-followers are indeed called to celibacy, but to me, the celibacy calling does not contradict or negate God’s original plan for the union of man and woman. It simply means that those who feel called to celibacy are called to something different, and that’s okay.]

I know some of you think you’re quite capable on your own, that you’re completely perfect and at God’s best without a guy or girl [husband or wife] in your life. However, God says you’re not. He says it’s not good for you to be alone.

BUT WAIT! Don’t get frustrated just yet.

It’s extremely important for us to recognize what God didn’t say, too. He didn’t suggest here that a guy sucks if he is not married. He didn’t say a woman’s a failure if she is not married. He didn’t say a person should act like an idiot and date anyone and everyone possible until he remedies his “not married yet” problem. He didn’t say that any combination of man and woman was divinely appointed. And he didn’t say that simply being married to a great Christian person would instantly fill the need.

He said, “It’s not good for you to be alone.”

Here’s a question: Do you live your life with this God-given need in mind?

Before you answer this question, think.

A lot of people within the Christian culture are tempted to try to pursue self-sufficiency. Whether married or single, young or old, we often pursue becoming fulfilled on our own. Some of us look for fulfillment in things such as hobbies, our career, education, friends, church, luxuries, unhealthy habits, pornography, random hook-ups, and other areas of human interest. It doesn’t matter if they are good or bad; God didn’t ordain any of these earthly things to aid us in becoming who we were meant to be. We, the culture, have deemed these things important and fulfilling; we’ve deemed them sufficient to complete us.

Sure, some of these things are indeed important. That’s not my point. I know we need education, church community, and friends. These things bring enrichment, nourishment, and communion to our lives. But only a helpmate, within the context of marriage, can fulfill the need God described in this statement.

Of course, some of us believe that God provides self-sufficiency. But I believe the Bible shares several areas in life that God cannot or chooses not to fulfill. Yes, God can do everything and anything. But consider this: When God made the first human being [Adam, of course], he could have looked at him and said, “I am always going to be enough for you. I am going to fill every need you will ever dream about. I am sufficient for your time on earth.” But he didn’t say that; for some God-reason he chose not to and instead chose to bring man and woman together to fill a human, God-designed need. That was his plan—to make part of himself become manifested through the union of man and woman.

Unfortunately human logic, based on some pretty convincing arguments and experiences, has seeped into our culture’s belief system. This logic might lead us to think:

• Relationships get in the way of being all I’m meant to be.
• I don’t want to think about dating until I’m out of college.
• I can’t handle the temptation now.
• People who get married at twenty are losers or from the South.
• Marriage stops you from becoming who you’re meant to be.
• I want to live my own life before I settle down.
• Jesus is my boyfriend right now [he’s all I will ever need].
• I can be absent within my marriage and still make it work.

I include this particular truth in this book because any of this thinking can directly or indirectly affect your sexual lifestyle. If we’re not actively pursuing life with this need in mind, this need still gets filled, but in an unhealthy [and usually unholy] manner. Some of us look to pornography. Some of us jump in and out of relationships. Some of us fill it with work. Some of us have random hook-ups. Some of us are addicted to masturbation. Some of us are engaging in “online sexships.” You might not know this, but within your actions, somewhere in this thing you call life, you’re trying to fill this need. And honestly, some of us are quite creative in this area and have made ourselves believe we’re completely fulfilled.

It’s my hope that this will encourage and validate those of you who long to be married or are experiencing a serious relationship—your need is real. Of course, I don’t think unhealthy dating habits are cool. And some people [myself included] have done a lot of stupid things in pursuance of being married. But I want you to know that thinking about and desiring marriage at nineteen is not ALL bad.

Some of us have a huge desire to be married and hate being in a predicament where we’ve seemingly been called to temporary celibacy until the right person comes along. Let’s face it: In a lot of ways, this sucks. Consider a thirtysomething woman who has a very real desire for a married relationship. How is she to think? Sadly, many Christians will say to a person in this predicament, “God wants you to be content with the fact that you’re single before he’s going to put a man in your life. He’s not going to give you something when you’re not okay with where he’s put you.”

Umm, okay, I have a problem with this type of thinking. I am well aware that God wants us to be content in everything; however, I don’t believe this means that we’re required to become satisfied in our singleness before he will provide a helpmate or allow us to find the love of our lives. You’ll go crazy thinking like that! And also, it’s certainly possible to pursue being content and still really, really want to get married. In fact, I highly recommend it. Just learn to have a little grace with yourself; God does.

Now, for those of you who tend to resist thinking about this need or try to bury it or fill it with other stuff, I’m hoping this section will help you take a moment to refocus the way you view this God-instilled necessity in your life. It’s important that we ask God to allow us to feel this need in a way that he would desire us to.

Nearly every day, my wife and I look at each other and say, “I need you.” This might sound rather simple to you [or make you a little sick to your stomach], but when we say these words, we are acknowledging that together we are stronger. This is true in every aspect of life, which of course includes our sex life.

To God, the union of man and woman is of utmost importance; it’s his design. God doesn’t view marriage as the end of independence or freedom or as “settling down.” In fact, he believes it to be just the opposite. I think God views marriage as another step toward fulfilling his dreams for you.

Okay, that was just a little too Dr. Phil.

Viagra is for the treatment of inability to get or keep an erection and similar states when erection is of low quality. When you buy remedies like cialis from canada you should know about cialis online canada. It may have a lot of brands, but only one ATC Code. Erectile dysfunction, defined as the persistent impossibility to maintain a satisfactory erection, affects an estimated 15 to 30 millions men in the America alone. Sexual health is an substantial part of a man’s life, no problem his age etc.