The Old Testament is filled with some crazy stories; here are the “best of” awards, as mentioned in “What You Didn’t Learn From Your Parents About Politics”!
Enjoy!
1) Winner of…
Best scandal involving a wife
Who and what?
Abraham telling leaders of a city that Sarah [his wife] was his sister।
Why on the list?
Because the king of the city ended up taking Sarah to be his wife.
What Bill Clinton might say
“I never had sexual relations with my sister।”
2) Winner of…
Best scandal involving the color red
Who and what?
Rahab helping save Israelite spies from Jericho destruction.
Why on the list?
Because Rahab was a prostitute.
What Bill Clinton might say
“A prostitute, huh?”
3) Winner of…
Best scandal involving a prophet
Who and what?
Elijah predicts that King Ahab and Queen Jezebel will die and their bodies will be eaten by dogs.
Why on the list?
Because according to Scripture, it happened.
What Bill Clinton might say
“I just thank the good Lord that Elijah wasn’t around during my presidency. Dog bites suck.”
4) Winner of…
Best scandal involving nudity
Who and what?
David’s affair with Bathsheba.
Why on the list?
He ended up having her husband killed in battle.
What Bill Clinton might say
“I did not have sexual relations with that Bathsheba.”
5) Winner of…
Best scandal involving lions
Who and what?
King Darius throwing Daniel in the lions’ den.
Why on the list?
The lions didn’t kill Daniel.
What Bill Clinton might say
“I like this story. Those conservative right-winged lions didn’t eat me, either. Well, they nibbled, but that’s it.”
6) Winner of…
Best scandal involving foreskin
Who and what?
David’s gift of two hundred Philistine foreskins to Saul.
Why on the list?
The fact that foreskins were a gift.
What Bill Clinton might say
“Hmm, I do know a few uncircumcised Republicans. But don’t ask me how.”
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I just had to block your Google Ads on my Christian website.
CCM magazine, huh? It figures.
Maybe I should start a blog entitled Matthew Paul Turner is stupid.
Don’t give up your day job, dude.
Love,
Jay
forerunner DOT com
Should I hold my breath for approval?
Egads.
Please, nobody tell Jay that my day job is writing… it would ruin the irony of his post….