I like you, Joyce. I really do. You seem like a nice lady. When I was out of work in 1997, Mom and I watched your TV show right before we watched Days of our Lives. We did that religiously for six months! Between your sermons and the Days storyline about Diedre Hall’s character turning into Satan, I practically forgot that I didn’t have a job.
Ever since then, I’ve been a sporadic viewer of your program. You and I disagree about a lot of things (mostly theological things), but I must admit that there’s always been something endearing about you, Joyce. You’re a fantastic preacher! When you preach a sermon, your delivery style has an old-fashion quality about it–it’s feisty, inspirational, and not altogether feminine. You’re like Joel Osteen with testosterone.
In the late 90s, Mom and I enjoyed your preaching because you seemed to talk about real issues, you know, the sort of things she and I knew and understood. And too, we loved you because you were the queen of Old Testament application! You took Bible stories that I’d heard a hundred times and struggled to understand and turned them into 5-point pep talks about courage, not procrastinating, putting the dishes in the dishwasher, and proper pet care. Seriously, your ability to apply 6000-year-old customs to the everyday lifestyles of modern-day Americans is uncanny. I mean, who knew that story from the Book of Judges about the raped woman being cut up into 12 pieces was all along about getting our butts off the couch and organizing the pantry?
But dang, a lot has changed since your early days in ministry! Congratulations on becoming so popular. And rich, too. What a combo! It’s crazy to think that just twenty years ago you were a poor depressed mean old housewife. But all of that has changed, thanks to God, obedience, and capitalism. And I must say; you look fantastic! You’re a true testament to the power of Jesus and cosmetic surgery! Amen?! AMEN???
I just received a press release about your brand new book! Looks like another good one. Yeah, Eat the Cookie…Buy the Shoes: Giving Yourself Permission to Lighten Up
Again, I like you, Joyce, but when you own a jet, a mansion in a gated community, and are able to afford regular Botox treatments, a book that encourages people to eat cookies and buy shoes doesn’t seem like the best use of your influence. Have you read the statistics about diabetes? And uh, not sure if you heard, but we’re sort of in the middle of a recession. Sure, you haven’t felt the effects of the recession, but a large number of your fans certainly have. Not to mention that a good number of people are addicted to buying. Hello? Credit card debt in this country is through the roof?!
And question: Who came up with that title and thought that it matched with that subtitle? You should fire them. Because eating cookies doesn’t exactly help one to lighten up.
For years now, Joyce, you’ve been able to (and quite brilliantly, I might add) relate to all different kinds of women (and men, too, but mostly women). You’ve accepted donations from these people–from the working class single mom in Philadelphia to the thriving business woman from Orlando to the poverty-stricken housewife living in Memphis. And in exchange for those donations, you’ve offered in return some encouragement, advice, relational tips, and probably a little hope. Yes, I know you help poor children in Africa and support faith-based ministries here in the U.S.
But those people’s donations have also “blessed” you with a very comfortable life. I mean, not to sound snarky, but honestly, you should be helping poor people in Africa and supporting faith-based ministries here in the U.S. Your fan base obviously loves you and believes in what you do.
So my advice would be this: Next time, consider your audience. Consider the issues your audience is facing. If you had, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be telling them to eat cookies and buy shoes. They don’t need cookies, and I bet they probably shouldn’t be wasting their money on shoes.
But ultimately–you make a great point: we Americans do need to lighten up. But not in our attitudes toward consuming things we don’t need, but in letting go of the junk (stuff we don’t need!) and habits (poor eating!) that we’ve sadly become addicted to.
Love in Jesus, Matthew
PS: I’ll be in St. Louis next week if you want to buy me lunch!
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