Excerpted from “What You Didn’t Learn From Your Parents About Christianity”!
Let’s pretend for a moment that you have nothing to do today! Well, just in case you get really bored and can’t think of anything better to do, why don’t you become a monk for a day? You can be just like Martin Luther! If you want to, you can dress up and everything! Of course, considering that you’d be doing it only for a twenty-four-hour time period and not until you die, the whole “true monk experience” might get a little lost in translation. But who cares? Try it anyway. Oh, it will be fun. In fact, you should get your entire small group to do it with you! Here’s how it works:
• Sell all of your possessions and move into a monastery! [Of course, since you’re only doing this for one day and you don’t have access to a monastery, just empty out one room in your house and then enter it। If you want, you can keep two candles for reading!]
• 4:00 a.m.: Here’s where your day begins! Go to church!
• 5:00 a.m.: Go back to your room to pray and read!
• 6:00 a.m.: Time for more church! And after church, eat breakfast.
• 7:00 a.m.: Do some work [Go rake the leaves, wash the car, and do whatever else you can finish in one hour!]
• 8:00 a.m.: It’s back to church for you! [This monk life is fun, huh?]• 9:15 a.m.: Work again. [Go wash the dishes, vacuum the living room, and dust the entire house.]• 11:45 a.m.: Church—again.
• 12:00 p.m.: Lunchtime.
• 1:00 p.m.: Yes! It’s time to go back to your room to read and pray!
• 1:45–3:00 p.m.: This is your free time! You can sleep and/or continue reading religious material. [But no watching soap operas or playing video games. Those activities would be non-monklike!]• 3:00 p.m.: Get up and do some more work! [If you can’t think of anything else, go clean your neighbor’s house or cut some old lady’s lawn.]• 5:45 p.m.: Eat dinner!
• 6:00 p.m.: Church time! Now, aren’t you proud of yourself for going to church so much in one day? Oops, I gotcha! Pride is SINFUL!
• Make sure you’re back by 7:15 p.m., because I wouldn’t want you to miss another prayer-and-reading time!
• 8:00 p.m.: Go to bed!
• 1:45 a.m.: Wake up and go to church! [No, I’m not kidding! Get up. Go to church. Monks during Martin Luther’s time were animals about their faith!]• 3:30 a.m.: Sleep again for thirty minutes and then get up and, umm, you know—go to church!
Hey, it’s all in good fun, and if you get your small group to join in with you, I bet they will think you’re pretty cool. Or they might tell you to go to hell [which I hear is just like the DMV].
Have a happy day!
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