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so i put "jesus hates" in google image search…

By June 6, 2008Blog

Sometimes I like putting random words into Google Image and see what pictures, images, and icons come up. Now this can be a dangerous pastime. So please, if you decide to try this at home (and I know some of you do), please be careful. There’s all sorts of nakedness out there on the Internet. So be very afraid. Seriously, you should fear!

Go on.

Shake or something. Act like you’re afraid. Prove to me you’re a Christian. (I’m kidding.)

Anyway, when you’re searching word combos, just try not to mix the wrong words.

Tonight I decided to type the words “Jesus hates” into the little Google search box to see what comes up.

Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Here’s what I found…

(DISCLAIMER: Jesus, Jesus Needs New PR–The Blog, and Matthew Paul Turner do not endorse the following messages. We just report them.)

You can pretty much get “Jesus Hates the Yankees” on anything you want. Poor Yanks.

Kung Fu Jesus looks like the lead singer of White Zombie. Wow, I’m old. I just totally made reference to White Zombie. Hmm.

Aw, a stained-glass picture of Jesus playing the guitar. He looks so natural. So David Crowder.

Wishful thinking? You know, he did say render… I don’t know about you, but I enjoy rendering once in a while. Oh, I’m serious. I love to render. I’d render all day long if I could. I highly recommend rendering unto a good friend or at least somebody you like; it makes it a lot better.

This is one of my favorites: Jesus sitting on a dinosaur! OK, I think you guys should help come up with captions for this!

I have no idea why this image came up under “Jesus Hates,” but I’m so glad it did. No, seriously, I so want a book called JESUS IN A NUTSHELL! How cute would Jesus be if he was in a nutshell? Think about it. He’d be cute and you know it.

Jesus ashtrays. I want one.

No comment. I don’t want all you Anonymous freaks commenting me to hell. Just kidding. You know I love ya. Well, some of ya.

I knew fat women who did these exercise tapes. They didn’t work.

THIS NEXT ONE IS PG-13! Now, would be a good time to run away like scared bunnies. Run. No, really, run.

This one is pretty!

You don’t get any better than white-redneck-youth-pastor Jesus, huh?

I have no idea what this one means, but it is so funny.

Is this a condom? Or just a gold ring around a plush Jesus? Or is it a condom with a picture of a plush Jesus?

OK. I’m done. I hope you will still come back sometime…

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Matthew Paul Turner

Author Matthew Paul Turner

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Join the discussion 8 Comments

  • Tamara says:

    You are sooo cracking me up!

    And now, I need a favor… 😉 PLEASE go vote for my picture on this blog

    http://www.5minutesformom.com/3589/finalists-kid-in-you-nestle-photo-contest/

    My picture is CHANGING MORE THAN DIAPERS

    If you feel like being really cool, you know, like awesome, you could tell ANYONE you can get in touch with…cause I want a Wii and cannot justify buying one!!! 🙂 I would love all the help I can get!!!!!!! I am behind…

    Oh and I would really like to read “Churched” REALLY want to read it!

  • James M says:

    “Jesus Hates Taxes”?

    Haha, whatever happened to “Give to Ceasar what is due Caesar”?

  • Dave Carrol says:

    Gen2:2 8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day,

    Is it possible that God was riding a dinosaur during the cool the day to find eve? He’d have gotten to Eve quicker with dino’s long graceful majestic stride. Beautiful creatures. I miss them so.

  • i think the dinosaurs died during the time of the flood because Noah didn’t have enough time to build a boat big enough.

  • tallfreak says:

    Your blogs crack me up. Thanks for being such a cool Christian. 🙂

  • thanks tallfreak! your blog rocks too, man. 😉

  • blondie says:

    Loved this post! Great blog. I keep coming back for more.

  • Joy says:

    The last pic seems to be… a condom with a plush Jesus picture… maybe to scare/remind young people into abstinence?! Okay, so far-fetched there… but what the heck is that pic about?! LOL!