Three Christian wives (who are also good friends to one another) have a HILARIOUS online chat about sex.
The women are… (Tam wrote the bios, and that’s why her bio is short!)
- Tam-a writer, a wife (18 years), and mom (2 kids)! Tam’s blog (MPT: FYI, Brent, Tam’s husband is pretty darn cool!)
- Jenni-has been married for 8 years and is the mama of two boys. She leads worship at her church in Portland, OR. her blog
- Cathi-is a happily married woman to one amazing man. She currently lives in Ohio but will soon be moving to the Pacific Northwest where she will be a Clinical Therapist in Psychiatry. her blog
Jenni: what are we talking about again?
tupperware?
Cathi: mary kay
Tam: penis’s and vajayjays
Cathi: hey, no nick names hoo-hoo!
Jenni: twig n berries and the tunnel
Tam: haha!
Cathi: man berries? yes?
Tam: mmmmmm
Cathi: was that supposed to be “yum”?
Jenni: basically… we’re gonna discuss this like seventeen magazine
got it
Tam: so…
Cathi: i’m ready for some pillow talk. i think
Tam: basically, he just wants it to look natural. like we just stumbled into the convo
how? i dont know.
Jenni: um… and you’re gonna edit it, right?
Cathi: oh, like, oops, hey…want to talk about sex girls?
weird porno intro music…cue now!
Jenni: brown chicken brown cow…
Tam: my son just walked out and said ABOUT HIMSELF “i have big boobs!”
Jenni: um… that sounds about right
Cathi: how appropriate.
Tam: of course
Cathi: that is only something i say in jest…”my back’s killing me b/c of these big jugs!”…uh. no
Jenni: ok… so girls… curious. how many times do you have sex in a week?
Tam: like, a calendar week?
Jenni: i’m efficient… 
Cathi: it depends on the week…
Jenni: um… what other kind of week is there?
Tam: shut it!
Jenni: average
Tam: ive been gutted – so any week is good for me
holla!
Jenni: bwahahaha
Tam: id say…when im feeling healthy – 1-3
not good, really
Cathi: well, frequency for us is pretty determined by our housing arrangements. we’re about 1/wk
Jenni: wha??? so when you’re “feeling healthy” why not more?
Tam: do you think thats average?
Jenni: i mean… is there something he could be doing to help you along to make it more?
Cathi: average? what’s average…
Tam: feeling healthy was referring to lupus. sometimes its impossible!
Jenni: i read somewhere that average is 2-3 times a week
Tam: so then…we’re average
what about you jen?
Cathi: we’re average. but who wants to be average?
Tam: me!
Jenni: i’d say 2-4… depending on the week.
Tam: nice!
Jenni: sometimes… life gets stupid and we don’t go for weeks.
oops
Cathi: i’m thinking i’m going to sleep naked for the next week. experiment and see if it gets better
Jenni: DO IT, CATHI!!!
Tam: i cant sleep naked!
Cathi: just hope the parent’s don’t decide to do a wake up call
Tam: ok…
Cathi: not so easy when they’re sleeping in the room next to us…one wall isn’t very sound proof
Jenni: Tam… just pretend you’re going to bed nakie… then after the BAM! WOW! KAZAM! … put the pj’s on
Cathi: well, under all these clothes, we’re all naked
now that just made this a little awkward
Tam: while we’re talking about sex…does foreplay have to be fourhourplay?
Cathi: good glory NO!
NONONONONONNO!
Tam: just wondering
Cathi: foreplay is just the time it takes to find the key…then all is well to enter
Tam: i mean…i like a little fun before hand…but ive got to sleep, yo
Jenni: so here’s the thing… fore-play can quickly become a NO-MORE-PLAY if it goes on too long
Tam: CATHI!!!
yes, yes, yes, YES!!!
Jenni: but… i’m not really ok with him just going straight for the goods either. seriously… you need to do some work!
Cathi: well, if i already get a full glass of glory, people. Multiple O’s are GREAT…but, yes, jenni…we gotta sleep
Jenni: yes ma’am
Tam: multiple O’s? what is that???
Jenni: cheerios, honey
Cathi: Yeah…that’s my specialty
Tam: aaahhhh
Jenni: even honey nut…
Tam: my honey has nuts
Jenni: two, hopefully
Cathi: whu huh?
Tam: on a good day
and listen men….
our nipples are not made out of rubber!
kthx
Jenni: are you calling me a man?
Tam: no…not this time
im just saying ingeneral
Jenni: ok
i’m not really sure i really even have feeling in my nipples anymore
my babies have chomped them off
Cathi: ok, no on the nipples after babies, then eh?
Jenni: i’d rather just be caressed everywhere else before you go deepsea diving
Tam: how well do you girls communicate with your hubs during sex?
Cathi: i’m a talker…yep. the modesty gets thrown out the window
Jenni: me too
Cathi: i put pamela anderson to shame
Tam: sho nuff!
Jenni: i didn’t used to be a talker. i actually didn’t experience my first “during sex” orgasm till i was 27 or 28.
Cathi: hey, if not then, when?!
Jenni: whatev… Pam’s are fake
but here’s the thing:
Cathi: yeah…
Tam: waiting…
Jenni: when i didn’t communicate during sex, he didn’t know what to do
everything was just awkward-ish…
Cathi: sounds logical…everything sounds better in short breaths anyway
Jenni: once i started talking, everything lasted longer and i DEFINITELY got more out of it.
Cathi: we started on the honeymoon w/ an exploration of sorts…worked well
one event lasted 2 hours w/ over 17 BIG O’s
yeah…i’m THAT kind of girl
Tam: our sex life has definitely evolved. at first it was just simple. fun, but simple now we are in the discovery stage. like, we’re almost 40 and its the best ever. we’ve communicated verbally and physically on this
Jenni: i was raised to believe sex was dirty… even with my husband so it took me awhile to figure it out.
Tam: cathi – 17 ORGASMS??!!!
i would die!!!
Cathi: no kidding.
Tam: id die happy. but id die!!
Jenni: sex NOW is definitely better than it was when we first got married
Cathi: i nearly did. i certainly walked differently
Jenni: 17
Cathi: i have a lot to look forward to then!
Jenni: are you sure you didn’t pass out losing count?
Cathi: we counted out loud…and i had to stop for a sec for a potty break!
Tam: bladder infection!
Jenni: seriously… i’m kinda feeling sore FOR you right now
Cathi: no…i was prepared for that though.
Jenni: hence the potty break
Cathi: no need to feel sore…there are many positions out there to help that
Tam: true!
Jenni: you know you’re supposed to pee after sex right?
Tam: yep
Jenni: to avoid the UT infection
Cathi: thank you Jesus
Tam: ok…
Jenni: um… i’m talking about SORE IN THE VAJ!!!
Tam: what about the times when youre just not in the mood? how do you communicate that to your man? and how does he respond to it?
Jenni: i say, “i’m not in the mood for a midnight panty pull… go to bed!”
Cathi: we agree that we can “please” each other in more ways than just sex
Tam: cuz LORD knows guys are always in the mood. or at least mine is
Jenni: or… “fine… my body is yours… but i’m gonna read while you do your thing, aight?
Cathi: awesome
Tam: haha!
sometimes i have sex when i didnt want to…but of course…always am glad i “gave in”
Jenni: honestly though… sometimes, FOR YOUR MAN, you have to just give it up. and sometimes… he changes my mind
EXACTLY
Tam: exactly!
ha!
its like this…
Tam: ive used this analogy before for brent…
we’re watching a movie together and brent gets up to get a snack. he asks from the kitchen if i want a cookie. i say “no”. he brings me one anyway. i begin eating it…not realizing, i really DID want a cookie. and everyones happy!
Cathi: i think i just may be on the other side of this conversation…
Jenni: what do you mean?
Cathi: i represent some of the girls who can be “in the moment” at any moment
nice analogy tam.
Jenni: well shoot.
Tam: cathi – cuz you dont have kids. possibly could be why?
Jenni: speaking of cookies… i’m eating oreos right now
right up there with sex
Tam: yummers!
Jenni: SEX AND OREOS!!! genius
Cathi: very true. how much do kids play in the picture?
Tam: we dont let them in!
Cathi: will my libido dry up w/ the uterus?
ha, tammy
Jenni: once you have kids… well… depending on the stage, life gets pretty tiring
Tam: possibly. it does make things different. especially when theyre youngins
Cathi: just too tired to play then?
Tam: sometimes. thats when alcohol helps.
Jenni: well you know… i have a 3 yr old and a 9 month old
Cathi: is there something you suggest to help me make that different
Tam: dont have kids?
Cathi: ha!
Jenni: after a long day of parenting at home, i’m not necessarily up for hanging off the rafters.
Tam: right.
Jenni: DON’T SAY THAT!
kids rock!
Cathi: alright.
kids
rafters
check
Jenni: it’s fun though, Cathi… you just have to be more creative in MAKING time for the rafters
Tam: getaways! they are a must!!!!
Jenni: and lock your freakin’ room door
Cathi: ok…creativity counts. i think we have some angles we can use
yeah, we have had at least 5 “break in’s” and we don’t even have kids!
Tam: oooooooo!
damn cats!
Jenni: your parents?
HA!
Tam: your parents are cats?!
Jenni: break in’s…
Cathi: damn parents, room stewards, hotels…yeah, got em all
Jenni: shoot girl… learn to lock a door.
Tam: maybe they think youre exhibitionists
Jenni: you just WANT to be walked in on… dirty
Cathi: twice by my mom…once by my dad, once by the hotel cleaning people, and another by our room steward on a cruise!
we need a lock for sure
Tam: purr!!!!
no. not dad!!!
Cathi: just call us voyers
Jenni: SHUT UP! What did your parents do?
Tam: lalalalalalalalalalalala
Cathi: My mom shouted “i’m sorry…so sorry”
dad…well, he didn’t talk to me for 3 days
Tam: awkward
Jenni: I. AM. DYING. HERE. CAN’T. BREATHE.
Cathi: no kidding.
Jenni: bwahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
Tam: i know our kids hear us. or, hear brent
Cathi: you should have heard our room steward…in his accent saying, “oh…no”, and shut the door
we’ve lived w/ so many other people…i’ve learned how to control the volume…most of the time
dEEp breaths!
Jenni: um… your parents should know better than to just walk in.
that’ll teach ’em…
Cathi: yeah. that’s what i thought too.
not necessarily.
Jenni: but your mom… TWICE!
Cathi: the other night, we moved a chair in front of the door!
Tam: curiosity
Jenni: third times a charm?
Cathi: maybe to take notes…who knows!
Tam: sheesh!
Jenni: lol
Cathi: well, we could always put a note on the door “BUSY SCREWING…DO NOT ENTER”
Cathi: or “Already being entered….leave us alone”
Tam: ooooooooo!!!!!!!!!
Jenni: AHHHHHHHHAHAHAHA!
Cathi: clearly, we have our own issues
w/ or w/o kids
Tam: clearly
Cathi: alright…i do have a question…
Jenni: Tam… so… Kass & Kota can hear you…. or Brent. whatev…
so what do you say to them or what do they say to you?
Tam: jenni -im sure. they dont say anything tho.
Jenni: like… “why were you hurting dad last night?”
Tam: hahaha!
RIGHT!
Cathi: ok…so i’m curious
i’m all for different positions and such…
I’ve woken up w/ my soreness in spots i didn’t know i’ve had, but
Jenni: mmmhmmm
Cathi: my fav is still the good-ol’-faithful missionary…hits “the spot”, you know?
Jenni: neg.
i have to be on top
Tam: i like’em all. i wont lie!
Cathi: not sure if i should keep trying…i just don’t prefer standing on my head or beating a dead horse
Tam: there are limits. i mean…im not a contortionist!
Jenni: seriously… everything is nice… it’s like being presented with a huge smogesborg (sp?) of food… but sushi will always be my favorite meal.
whatever… i’m calling you “Cirque Du Soliel” from now on
Cathi: well, the top thing is difficult for me b/c of self image issues.
Tam: aawwww
Jenni: honey… just put a blindfold on him
Tam: top is difficult for me cuz of hip issues. im old. shut it jenni.
Jenni: what?
i wasn’t gonna say… nevermind… you know me.
Cathi: i feel badly that my issues can hold us back…seriously…i have to wear a cute top in order for me to stay on top…good thing is that it makes good use of all the wedding outfits!
Tam: cathi – i havent seen you naked, yet – what?!!! but im sure your man thinks you are the most beautiful woman alive!
Jenni: YET?
Tam: wha???
Jenni: well.. that makes you odd woman out… since I’ve seen her nakie.
just sayin’
Tam: ahhhhdangit!
Cathi: good thing this isn’t video…just sayin
Tam: mmmdang.
Cathi: i AM wearing socks though
Cathi: business socks
Jenni: LOL!
Cathi: so, do you guys have a “go to” word when you’re in public?
Jenni: Cathi… what the hell?
freak of nature
sex addict much?
Tam: no. he just grabs my pretty and says “lets go woman!”
Cathi: raising hand
Jenni: and that works, tam?
Tam: mostly
Jenni: good to know. i’ll try that with you next week when you’re here
Tam: um…well. so, maybe…lets not, k?
Cathi: i’m dying
Jenni: i wouldn’t be surprised if she was having sex while chatting with us
freakin’ nympho
Cathi: junk. caught me red handed…uh wha?!?!
Tam: his penis is red? good to know
what?!
Jenni: just threw up in my mouth
Cathi: you just said penis…hee-hee
Jenni: cathi… question:
Cathi: answer
Jenni: did you have your “V-card” when you got married?
Cathi: nope. he did though.
Tam: i did.
wait.
Cathi: i went from steak to pb&j
Tam: no. i didnt.
Jenni: no.. you didn’t
WHAT?
Cathi: if we count the whole “second virginity”…if that counts
Tam: that counts!
Jenni: steak to pb&j?
Cathi: ok, yeah.
well, i had steak…the “whole nine yards”
Jenni: what about 3rd virginity… or 4th… or 5th… or um… i lost count?
Cathi: when we dated we had the standard “no nine yards” = pb&j
Jenni: OH… i get itn ow
Cathi: but I won’t say that we didn’t roam around the food court…
and i don’t regret it one bit!
Tam: us too. it was fun!
Cathi: AMEN.
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knowing 2 of the 3 of these ladies personally, this was nothing short of hilarity. but is i am so glad they shared this. probably helpful to MANY women… single and other otherwise.
HILARIOUS. i was cracking up the WHOLE time.
I needed that stress relief! Good to see the range of differences — issues, problems… and solutions.
Thanks, Ladies! (& MPT)
Hilarious. This week was starting to get a little serious.
Men, we love you but we’d die without our girlfriends!
this was cute… the only thing though, if i read it right, was, they don’t regret messing around before marriage, because “it was fun”
is that really what we should be portraying to others?
just a thought.
AFFOTG,
i can only speak for myself here. my husband was a virgin when we married. i was not. we were engaged for a year. and…we did get touchy feely many times. i will not lie.
we made many other “mistakes” then too. all of which we learned a lot from and now can use, from experience, to guide our children as they are growing and learning.
so, i guess, i dont regret it.
and yes, at the time…it was fun! 😉
Thank you women for being…well…um candid. it was rather entertaining and made me blush. I think you talked about things that i, and probably more women are afraid to talk about…so thanks.
your honesty and absolute hilarity hit some heavy topics.
17…… wow!
He’s a stud!
(I just want you to know my word verification is muffin down on the bottom)
just sayin…
I got to change my pants!
greatest conversation ever!!! HAHAHA!!!
I love sex talk with girlfriends!
You girls should do a question and answer post too!! ooh yeah! FUN!
and Cathi, 17, I would DIE. I can barely live through one!
Tam, this was sort of like reading about my mom having sex. Just sayin. hahaha!!
Jenni, a whole new side to you I didn’t know…. NICE! ;o)
heidi – you need to change your pants???
wow.
😉
I was laughing so hard!!
serious note: I could see you guys sitting at Dutch Bros. just whipping out this conversation.
(although I know it was by phone)
I love REAL women.
Sex isn’t dirty it’s just life.
But Cathi ruined me at 17
Really, where are the men in the comment section?? Come on!
Since my wife just gave birth to our 3rd kid, I probably should have refrained from reading this…cuz…well…thinking about it isn’t gonna make 6 weeks go by any faster…know what i mean? 🙂
Anywho, am I old or what? You ladies talkin about 1-3 or 2-4 times a week?? I’m quite happy with 1…but 4 times a week? Who does that? Is that normal? My wife is 10 yrs younger than I am, but there’s like…uhhhh….TV and stuff to watch.
On a serious note…I was a very bad boy growing up and thank God that no sin is too much for Him! But sex just doesn’t rank up there in importance to us. I’d prefer to simply lay there and take in her beauty with my eyes….No hands required :D.
“But sex just doesn’t rank up there in importance to us. I’d prefer to simply lay there and take in her beauty with my eyes….”
really, toby?
wow.
😉
I just loved reading this conversation!
I’ve been known to shatter windows…
@Brent
With what?
@Matthew
Well, that’s a whole other post in itself 🙂
actually. it would be too big for a comment.
😉
no photos on that post. kthnx.
and yes.
my favorite number is 17 🙂
*bows* thank you
@MTP lol, with his voice of course! What WERE you thinking!? 😛
I started reading this post in the DC Airport today and I almost missed the call for my flight cause I was laughing out loud reading it. If I got stuck in DC it would be ALL YALL’s FAULT!
So funny! I went for years without girlfriends to talk about sex with and we were STOOPID, but we had fun learning!
@jan – ha! thats funny! glad you didnt miss your flight =)
it hasnt been til these last couple years that ive had women i can talk to like this either. and now…oy – its hard to keep me quiet. and between the 3 of us in this chat…i aint got nothin on the other two =o
@jan…when tammy first asked to do this chat, I couldn’t believe that we’d have this kind of conversation publicized…but it turned into a whirlwind of chatter and the ability to speak freely with friends. it’s a good thing!
apparently, I’m WAY behind on this comment feed. yes… i’ve been THAT lame.
anyhoo… thought i’d answer a couple of questions (why give Tam all the fun, right?):
AFFOTG – i can see how it can be read that we weren’t regretful for “messing around” before marriage… however, I can’t say any of us are actually proud of it. It’s just a part of our past… we’ve paid, and in some ways, are still paying the consequences to those decisions… but it’s also helped shape us into who we are today. I can only speak for myself when I say this, but… I DEFINITELY wish I could have stayed pure before meeting Brian. I think that could have saved me a lot of heartache… but I also know God has redeemed me from that.
you said: “is that really what we should be portraying to others? ” should, could, would… you can “should” all over yourself but i won’t hide what i’ve done in the past. i won’t hide what i’m doing now. i’ve hidden too much. AS Christ followers, we need to be more open and honest. the dark is where satan wants you to stay and it’s not healthy for anyone. so to answer your question: i will portray what is real. that’s all i have to offer. i’m really sorry if that offends you… but my life pretty much offends most everyone.
and brent… you’re ridiculous!
“and brent… you’re ridiculous!”
Yup…I’m offended 🙂
yeah… you would be.