by Dave Carrol (a blogger, pastor, & my Canadian friend!)
(pointing out that he’s Canadian and enjoys seal blubber on Tuesday evenings is an ongoing joke between him and me.)
My great aunt and uncle are the peppiest 80-year olds square dancers I’ve ever met. I love the spirit I see in them, in fact, as far as I’m concerned, square dancing has a lot in common with sex.
When I was a kid, our family often crashed their potluck dance parties armed with unholy solid light-green jello salad as our ticket in. Mom and Dad admired their dance moves from afar, while my brother and I–far too cool for square dancing–snickered at a safe distance. But every now and again, my entire family got pulled into the massive mob of frilly folks aswingin’.
The experience was a flurry of arms, legs, and Bolo ties. None of us had any idea what was going on or what we were doing, but I must admit it was sort of fun. I’m not sure my Aunt Dorris would be thrilled to hear that her costumes put me in mind of sexual metaphor… but Aunt Dorris ain’t here is she? What you’ve never had a square dance fantasy? Just think of the plaid!
Actually what I’ve learned is that figuring out have to have good sex is disturbingly similar to awkwardly learning to square dance.
“What did that guy say he wants me to do? Wait a second… if she puts her hands up, where are mine supposed to go? What in the world is a dosado? I look a little spastic when I put my legs like that. Does this girl with the goofy grin really think this looks good? Wait a minute. Dang… this kinda feels good actually. Go figure. Do it again.”
We’ve put so much pressure on ourselves to have “good sex” that we’ve forget about the fun of it all! I think what constitutes a good sex life is a big smile on two faces and a solid night’s sleep. We all hear the same “caller” but when you get out on that floor, no two “sweep the quarter’s” look quite same… and never like you’ve seen on TV. There is nothing worse than cautiously suggesting,
Only to receive this response: “You’re clearly not right in the head. We should be squaring to our sets… tipping to the left and tipping to the right BEFORE any promenading is done. Sicko”
Don’t you think there is room for swinging, bowing, squaring AND tipping before the big promenade? Sometimes (especially if you’ve been dancing for many years) we can forget that sex is fun. It can also be funny. Have you ever flutterwheeled when your partner expected a reverse-flutterwheel? Oh Lord what hijinx! Or that time you were both ready to do the “Alamo Swing Through” but you tried it in the bathtub so it turned into an “Alamo through down?”
Sex is NOT an achievable discipline that you will be able to stand on a mountain one day and say “Look ma… no hands! I have arrived! Mary Murphy is not putting you on the hot tamale train over your performance. Sex is a dance. Dances are fun. It’s inexact and messy. It’s a party. Laugh a little. There is jello salad and Vernors waiting for you when you’re done.
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Square dancing just got banned from Christian schools everywhere. Thanks a lot Canadian guest blogger. Thanks.A.Lot.
Beautiful!
Exactly! Your square dance metaphor just reawakened a visual memory that I had tucked in my “When I Was Married” file. We got together often with a group of couples affectionately dubbed “The Gang” and one night someone schooled in the art (?) of square dancing suggested we try it.
I’ve never had so much fun in my life (well, in a group setting). Just picture four guys–all out masculine, not-one-remotely-metrosexual-in-the-bunch men–putting their hands together and literally sashaying to the “allemande right.” These Sunday School teachers and oil rig workers and insurance and corporate types literally wiggled their hips like girls. We had to stop the dance right then and there because the wives were rolling on the floor laughing.
Square dancing is great foreplay! Thanks for the reminder that even though great sex involves some “how to” it always needs some fun, too. Even the terminology of square dancing is pretty risque: promenade, foot, head, down the center and back, active couples, inactive couples, forward and back, swing, and honor. Whew!
Now I see why my parents made me sit out square dancing in my elementary physical education classes. (Really. They did. But they let me go bowling…Huh. I wonder what that means?)
Your blogpost was fun to read. :^)