Sometimes happiness is indeed a choice. Not always. Not for all of us. Not in every situation. But sometimes—sometimes—we indeed are given the power to choose to be happy.
In October, my wife and I made a difficult choice, one that I needed to make in order to like Christmas again. After much discussion, sometimes heated discussions, we made the choice to spend the holiday season at home in Nashville.
Not since getting married 9 years ago had we spent Thanksgiving and/or Christmas in Nashville. Every single Thanksgiving and Christmas (and sometimes over New Year’s) we traveled, one holiday to Maryland (my family’s home) and the other holiday to Wisconsin (Jessica’s family’s home). If we went to Maryland for Thanksgiving, we’d go to Wisconsin for Christmas.
Sometimes we drove. Sometimes we flew. Sometimes we flew then drove… but over the years, our holiday traditions, though they delighted Jessica, they exhausted me.
A couple years ago, I remember looking at Jessica and saying, “Baby, I pretty much dread the holidays.”
Which was hard for me to admit. Because for one thing, I don’t like being a scrooge. And because I’d grown up loving Christmas. But the busyness of the season (and the anticipation of the busyness of the season) seemingly was stealing away from me my Fa la la la.
Maybe I let it do that. But each season, as much as I tried to engage a joyful spirit during the holidays, every year, beginning the week before Thanksgiving, I started getting anxious, a worry that caused me to become irritable and preoccupied with how stressful “the most wonderful time of year” made me feel.
Don’t get me wrong, the family time was great (or at least, most of it was great… you know how holiday family gatherings can be)… but I needed a change.
So this year, we decided to stay home. No traveling. Zilch. That wasn’t an easy decision. Partly, because we didn’t want to disappoint our families, break our traditions, or be “selfish” with our time. Despite all of those things, both Jessica and I—together—came to the conclusion that this was the year that we would enjoy Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year’s in the comfort of our Nashville home, together as a family. We didn’t make any decision or proclamations about next year, we simply made change for this year.
And I have to say, it’s been really nice. My spirit needed this. It’s been a long time since I’ve been so excited about the holidays. I sort of feel like a kid again. So far, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed every aspect our holiday, from gathering for food and conversation with friends on Thanksgiving to decorating our home to doing little holiday projects with the kids to watching Christmas TV specials to even some shopping (though most of it has been online)…
I feel like I can breathe this holiday. And I’m doing my best to savor every single moment… but getting to that place required us to make a choice to do something different.
What are the holidays like for you? Maybe you’re nothing like me, maybe you have a personality that is able to thoroughly enjoy every holiday regardless of where you are, what you have to do, where you need to go, etc. But some of us, for various reasons, have gotten into the habit of dreading the holidays. In fact, some of us have gotten so used to that dark “Christmas spirit” that we anticipate it, likely making it worse.
But rather than simply enduring or surviving or mourning the holiday season, have you considered doing something different this year (or next year)? Rather than keeping with the same old traditions, why not break the cycle and switch things up and see if that makes any difference in how you experience Advent?
Sometimes getting to experience “comfort and joy” is as simple as choosing to set the stage so that you can feel comfort and joy. This isn’t true for all of us. But for some of us, it is true.
And while Jessica and I will certainly travel again for the holidays, this year we broke the rules, which allows us the opportunity to create new rules for how we choose to celebrate the holidays. And for now, that choice has made me feel all merry and bright inside.
So, stop feeling “selfish” for wanting to do something different or for needing to do something different. Be honest with your loved ones about what you are feeling. Make some changes. Perhaps a big change or several small changes. Engage those difficult conversations. And perhaps… just maybe… saying “Merry Christmas” will mean something for you again.
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Growing up my family traveled every holiday. My family was kind of spread around, but usually within a days drive, so we would often wake up at home on Christmas but spend half the day in the car. My husband’s family is all from the same small town and they all still live there. When we had kids, my husband pretty much declared that we would always stay home for Christmas. Yes, it’s somewhat selfish, but he needs that I guess. And now we live 1500 miles away from both our families, so they come to us whenever possible. Thankfully we have a huge house so hosting my parents and inlaws and sister’s family with four kids is possible. Noisy, yes. Messy, absolutely. But I pretty much love it.
Owning retail stores for the past two decades definitely gives me a different “perspective” on the holidays!
I wanted to start this response by saying that we’ve always been blessed to live near our families, so tiring, long travel has never been a part of our celebrations at holiday times. And then I remembered this one small story. When we married – oh, so many years ago — my maternal grandmother was very ill. She had congestive heart disease and my mother not-so- subtly encouraged me, as a very young bride, to be sure to celebrate Christmas with that extended side of our family because, ‘you never know how much time she’s got.’ And Dick’s extended family celebration was held every December, at a retirement home in a town about an hour’s drive away and very year it was a bit of a drag to get ourselves there, increasingly so as time passed. Flash forward TWENTY YEARS, we have late teen kids, with multitudinous Christmas concerts/programs, our own church and community commitments, etc., etc. I remember picking up our youngest from some activity of his – asking him to leave early so we could go to this family gathering where he basically knew no one other than his grandparents and a cousin or two. We were tired, cranky and done. I turned to my husband and said, “I hereby absolve you from my extended family gathering if you will absolve me and the rest of us from yours, okay?” So we turned our car around and went home, collapsing with gratitude into comfortable clothes and turning on the Christmas lights and music. And we never again went to the big do’s. I cannot tell you what a relief that was – just space to breathe in an already overcrowded season of the year and season of life, too. (And that grandmother of mine? Yeah. She lived to be 101.)
I wish we would do that. Maybe next year. Already made plans for this year. I dont mind the travel, im from a huge family so this is when we all get to see each other. However I feel guilty that I cant do for my wife and kids that my brothers can do for theirs. We are the ones traveling, and that takes the money we could buy gifts. Yes I know it is not about gifts, but when you have three little kids and their cousins are getting RAINED on with gifts it gets hard to explain why we even celebrate this day.
Yes I am excited for it. Just wish it wasnt so spendy.