Last week, James MacDonald, founding pastor of Harvest Bible Chapel, announced on his blog that he was resigning! Like many, I took his announcement literally at first. I assumed he was leaving his position as head pastor of his church. But that wasn’t it at all. Mr. MacDonald was resigning from his job of “fixing people.”
And it sounds like he’s really made up his mind this time. He’s done! REALLY done this time!
Mr. MacDonald says he’s done fixing strangers in airports, drive-through workers, store clerks, lazy church employees, or other pastors.
Now whether or not he’s going to seek out “fixing” his own issues is unclear. But he’s done fixing yours, mine, and everybody else’s… unless of course, we ask.
After reading and rereading what Mr. MacDonald writes in his resignation, I can’t help but wonder if the man should actually resign. Because his words seem laced with anger, retribution, and exhaustion, and too, they seem coded in such a way that make them readable for everyone but intended for a small few. Mr. MacDonald makes a number of choices in this blog that, when gleaning between the passive aggressive lines, might offer a good bit of wisdom for those of us who work in ministry (heck, perhaps to anybody in leadership).
Lesson 1: “Resignation” is not a synonym for confession
Mr. MacDonald’s resignation begins like this… I wanted to wait until we returned from the Holy Land to make my
decision public. I am officially announcing my resignation today from a
job I have long held, and frequently done very poorly. I am not sure how
I got into this profession. I know I wasn’t invited, and I have often
been deeply unappreciated. Why spend your
life doing something neither required by the Lord, nor welcomed by
others? Frankly, I gave up the job a while back, but felt constrained to
make my decision known to all who read this blog. Don’t be disappointed
if you don’t see me at my post, I am really done this time. Yes, for me
it’s over. No more fixing people—I resign!
From his opening paragraph, it’s pretty clear that Mr. MacDonald’s habit of “fixing people” has caused him and most likely others a lot of harm. But there’s one big problem here: You can’t resign from a job that was never your job. Mr. MacDonald says that, “I am officially announcing my resignation today from a job… I am not sure how I got into this profession. I know I wasn’t invited…” Well, if that’s the case, this post shouldn’t be a resignation, it should be a confession or perhaps an apology letter or some blend of the two. Oh, in Mr. MacDonald’s defense, he does apologize in paragraph two, he writes, “If you were wounded in a bad fix or a fast fix or a bad response to a
fast fix, please accept my apologies—I truly hope you are doing better, I
know that I am.” Why so seriously passive aggressive, Mr. MacDonald?! Your insecurities are showing. (But we’ll get to that in a moment.)
BUT let’s face it, though we all do it sometimes, assuming the role of “fixing people” is arrogant, and arrogantly resigning from the role of “arrogance” does not fix the problem (and not to mention, it’s downright arrogant).
If we assumed the role. If we weren’t invited into the role. If playing the role is our habit. Then we can’t resign from it, at least, not in an official way that suggests we didn’t assume the role, that we were invited to it, and that’s it’s NOT our habit…
When we find ourselves taking on roles that we were not invited to take or roles that we assumed as opposed to being given, we cannot resign from these positions, we must apologize for assuming a role or for not creating healthier boundaries.
Lesson 2: Passive aggressive communication is not communication, it’s manipulation, vengeance, and weak…
All of us are passive aggressive at times. Sometimes it’s intentional. Sometimes it’s unintentional. Sometimes it’s a defense mechanism, a way for us to handle an issue without handling an issue. And sometimes it’s our poor excuse for humor, sarcasm, or whatever. However it’s used, it’s never helpful.
Now, for some reason, “passive aggressiveness” within the context of ministry is rather commonplace. Why? For many reasons, really… I think this is partly true because we, as followers of Christ, rarely feel comfortable with just being angry or mad. Also, ministry work environments often lack healthy boundaries between people, between work and personal life, between leadership/employee. And too, many Christians hate conflict, we hate setting boundaries, and we hate challenging our coworkers/friends. So rather than dealing with an issue or problem directly, we let our frustration ooze out of us passively.
Mr. MacDonald’s resignation is drenched with passive aggressiveness… from him feeling “deeply unappreciated” to later proclaiming “I’m not going to fix staff members who want to complain instead of work,
or sleep instead of work, or do whatever they do instead of work”… So. Much. Passive Aggression. Toward the end, he writes… “I suppose I assumed when I began that everyone wanted what I wanted…to
be better. I have accepted, even solicited, and been blessed by the
critical feedback of friends, and picked diligently through the rubbish
of those who sought my ruin to great advantage.” Wait. Is this a resignation letter or a “you’ll miss me” letter?
So let’s remember this: Passive aggressiveness always showcases more about us than it does about anybody else…. it’s manipulative and often reveals our desire for retaliation without having to “own” our retaliation… it gives us control and power over people without having to recognize our control and power… and it’s hurtful (without having to own our hurtful behavior).
Lesson 3: What we DON’T SAY is often just as important as what we DO SAY (sometimes more)…
Mr. MacDonald can’t tell us the whole story. He can’t really communicate to his congregation what’s REALLY going on. He can’t mention names or offer thorough descriptions of the scenarios he’s referring to. He’s a pastor. He’s only allowed to be so honest, you know. Naming names or offering descriptions would be unhelpful (and mean!). But is it any less unhelpful to write a blog post in such a way that you offer your readers a comfortable amount of room to read between the lines?
Some wiggle room is fine perhaps, depending on the context of what you’re trying to communicate. Asking questions directly is fine. Heck, ASK as many questions as you need to… But leaving a host of questions without asking any is not okay.
What we DON’T SAY matters. So I think it’s important for us to realize that… before we write put our thoughts into a statement (and leave out what we want to leave out or what we must leave out), remember that all of it (usually) matters. Offering vague statements might allow one to get off his or her chest what he/she is feeling, but by leaving enough space for people to fill in their own conclusions or stories or ideas or questions, he or she is likely causing more problems than he/she is solving.
If you’re going to leave out information when making a statement, remember that the information you remove might be just as important as the information you include and then ask yourself: would it be best if I just left that out or found a better, clearer way of presenting information…
Lesson 4: Don’t play the blame game…
Mr. MacDonald begins his post by saying he’s done with trying to fix people, but by the end, two things become clear: 1) He’s not done with with fixing people. 2) This post isn’t about him not fixing people, it’s about people he’s tried to fix not get ending up being fixed. He writes:
Fixes should end well, we should be ready at all times to receive the “reprove, rebuke, exhort with great patience and instruction” (2 Timothy 4:2), but many are not. Yes, “reprove a wise man, and he will love you for it” (Proverbs 9:8), but apparently there are “not many wise” (1 Corinthians 1:26), and many blows are too often needed (Proverbs 17:10).
Where the fixer is uninvited and the receiving heart is unreceptive,
it’s far better to pull up and kneel down—interceding for a better
reception, a more timely time, or a more worthy messenger.
Now his passive aggressiveness comes with scripture! This paragraph basically suggests that the real issue is NOT his “fixing”, it’s all the unwise people who resist his ability to fix them.
One is left to wonder: Is this post about James resigning as Mr. “Fix It” Man? Or is this post more about all of the people who have failed at becoming fixed, resisted his fixing, or asked Mr. “Fix It” Man to butt out?
Blame never plays well in official statements. Blame is never humble. Blame is never an effective manner in which to make your point. So if you have a point to make, if at all possible, do so without blaming other people.
How all of us communicate our messages matter. But how pastors and teachers and ministry people communicate messages is, in many ways even more important because of the perceived or assumed “God thread” that the messages or stories contain. When one’s work is a mixture of “God” and “relationship,” how we communicate those ideas and our thoughts and our “resignations” is often assumed weightier or more important or “of eternal value” or potentially as “gospel truth” because “God” is somehow involved. This is true whether or not God is directly or indirectly or even actually involved… Whether pastors or ministry people know this or not or even like this or not, how they communicate their messages matter just as much as the messages they’re communicating. Which is why it’s so important to avoid passive aggressive language, to challenge people with humility as opposed to using blame, and to remember that the words we avoid saying sometimes matters just as much to the conversation as the words we say.
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