Mark spends the first 4 minutes talking about what he thinks the words “wives submit to your husbands” means. He begins with what he thinks it doesn’t mean…
“Number one, it does not mean that the wife is less valuable,
intelligent, or competent…”
See? Mark Driscoll thinks wives are just as valuable and smart as their husbands!
But. There’s a catch. Because later Mark says, “a wife sets a pattern for others to respect her husband. If the wife disrespects the husband in front of his coworkers, will they
respect the husband? No. No. Women who publicly disrespect their
husbands encourage others to disrespect their husbands. And this doesn’t mean you don’t disagree with your husband but you do so respectfully, privately”
Oh. Okay. I wonder what his definition of “disrespect” is? Because it’s not cool for anybody to be mean and disrespectful, whether its husbands, wives, kids, friends, parents, etc. Especially in public. HOWEVER, he shifts the focus from “disrespect” to “disagree” in that last sentence. He says it’s fine for a wife to disagree with her husband respectfully and privately. So wait, is he saying that a valuable, intelligent, and competent wife can’t disagree with her husband around his friends because the friends might think less of the husband? Again, respect is always a good thing, regardless of who you are. But seriously, if a husband can’t handle his wife disagree with him around his friends, it sounds like the husband might need to grow a pair and get some less shallow friends/coworkers.
But back to what “submitting” DOESN’T mean…
“Number two, this does not
mean that men, in general, are to be ruling over women in general. It
doesn’t mean that. We’re not talking about gender issues; we’re talking
about marriage issues.”
But he is talking about gender here, gender within marriage. Just because he’s talking specifically about marriage, he’s using the words “wives” and “husbands.” And I’m pretty sure those words are gender specific. But again. When Mark says that he doesn’t believe that men rule over women in general, is he implying that husbands should be ruling over their wives? Often, there’s just as much danger in what Mark doesn’t say as there is in what he says.
Mark also says that by disrespecting/disagreeing with their husbands, wives put their men in “a lose-lose scenario.” Why? Because “if [the husband] doesn’t argue back, he’s being weak.” Wow. Just wow.
Mark explains that when men hang with men, “it’s not like this. You disrespect me, we can talk about
that, right? We can actually have a bit of a debate about that.”
My wife and I debate/disagree around our friends all the time. We’re kind, of course. But it’s not awkward.
BUT THEN… Mark begins talking about “nagging wives”.
He says. “Proverbs talks about certain women…”
(It should be noted that Proverbs was written by a very “certain man,” one with 700 hundred wives and 300 concubines…
“[These certain women] are
like a dripping faucet. You ever tried to sleep with a dripping faucet? Plunk, plunk, plunk, plunk, plunk. It’s what we use to torture people
who are prisoners of war. A wife is like that.”
What? Does he actually practice his sermons prior to preaching them? Mark continues…
“They’re quarrelsome. They’re a nag. And some women. You’re a nag.
You’re disrespectful. You’re quarrelsome. (But you’re equally valuable, remember! And you’re just as smart as your husband! And you’re quite competent!!!! But…) Being married to you is like a
life sentence, and the guy’s just scratching on his wall every day.”
Later, Mark compared a husband to a police officer writing a motorist, his wife, a ticket.
“All right, if the police officer pulls you over, you can’t say, ‘Hey,
we’re equal and you have no right to write me a ticket. In fact, I’m
writing you a ticket.’ Actually, we’re now going to practice submission,
right?”
I’m not even sure what that analogy is supposed to mean.
I’ve said this before. My wife and I view each other as equals. Our relationship isn’t perfect. But I submit to my wife. My wife submits to me. We submit to each other. That’s not always easy for either of us. But our relationship is always best when we serve each other. Neither of us demand “submission” from each other. My wife loves me with a kind of love I don’t always comprehend. But she also disagrees with me. And not always in private. And that’s okay. Because I love/trust my wife. We pursue respecting each other, even when we fight. We value each other as equals. Because God made us equals.
The picture that Mark paints for marriage creates an environment ripe for physical, verbal, emotional, and mental abuse. It’s an environment where women can easily lose their voice because they fear consequences. It’s an environment that can breed anger, self righteousness, and control. Indeed, it can feel like a “life sentence.” In the wrong mind, Mark’s “wisdom” is fuel for relational disaster, a tragedy where a wife can’t speak up because her words only matter in certain contexts. I wonder if Mark will preach about THAT kind of nagging reality being like torture?
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