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nuh-tiv-i-tees

By December 11, 2009Blog

What these modern nativities say about Jesus. Or suggest about Jesus…

Jesus is squashy and sweet and would taste awesome floating on top of a mug of hot cocoa.
Jesus is like a duck with goose parents.
Jesus would love playing in the bathtub with Ernie from Sesame Street.
 
Jesus likes making the roads slippery.
 
If you combine a dog and bear and throw in a tab of kangaroo, you get Jesus.
This says nothing about Jesus. Perhaps the KKK. Or squids. But not Jesus.
If you want Jesus to retain his value, DO NOT REMOVE HIS TAGS. Wow. That’s pretty profound.
You can use Jesus in a game of Jenga.
Remember those pictures of ugly Santa and his ugly elf I Twittered about? Here’s that brand’s nativity.
Jesus’s earthly father was mean. And Jesus was black and had a fro.
 
Even while Jesus was in his mother’s womb, somebody’s mother was needle pointing him together.
The nuts and bolts of Jesus
 Jesus is cute and prickly.
Jesus was made in China. 

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Matthew Paul Turner

Author Matthew Paul Turner

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