TOUCHY TOPIC: MASTURBATION [PG-13]

This is an excerpt from my book “What You Didn’t Learn From Your Parents About Sex.” It’s not the entire section about the topic of masturbation, but it’s about half of it. This is a pretty controversial topic among Christians… here’s what I found out during my research for the book. [Oh, and the painting is by Picasso.]

It’s probably doesn’t comes as a huge surprise that one of the biggest issues in the minds [and hands] of Christians is masturbation.

People masturbate. Christians included. Are you surprised? Of course you’re not surprised. Sure, there are a few of you who have never done such an act. But certainly most have. If you’re one of those who have never masturbated, you might not be familiar with the term’s definition. I find this highly unlikely, but you never know when someone is a Christian. Being sheltered is often a major part of the “saved” territory. So don’t feel strange if you’re not aware.

First, this is how dictionary.com defines masturbation: “Excitation of one’s own or another’s genital organs, usually to orgasm, by manual contact or means other than sexual intercourse.” [But this section won’t focus on the “you touching another” portion of masturbation. Just the “one’s own” part.]

This topic gets chatted about a lot in the world of Christian culture. Small groups analyze it. Accountability partners pray about it. Books discuss it. Elder boards form opinions about it. Conference speakers touch on it. [Pun intended.] Friends confide in each other about it. And counselors shed light on it.

But let’s face it: When we’re alone, most of us do it [or have done it].

Let’s start things off with a brief history of masturbation.

Masturbation is indeed a popular pastime, and most historians believe that it’s been popular since the beginning.

But wait; before you get feisty and write me a hateful letter, I want to be sure you know this: I am in no way suggesting that Adam masturbated. He may have. But I have NO way of knowing. And you don’t either, really. But despite not knowing whether the first man and woman took matters into their own hands, some people believe history does imply that the M-word has been an issue from the beginning. It might be helpful to discuss what history we do think we know, or at least what somebody thinks he knows:

•From the beginning? Apparently the Central African Bonobo chimpanzees masturbate. I didn’t know this, but they share 98.4 percent of our human DNA. [Wow. That 1.6 percent must really make a difference.] According to evolutionists, this supposedly provides some confirmation that masturbation has been practiced since the beginning of time. Perhaps now I understand why scientists call it the BIG BANG theory, but I wouldn’t quote me on that.

•Those crazy BC Egyptians celebrated masturbation as the process by which their sun god, Atum, created the Egyptian equivalents to Adam and Eve. I had never heard this before, but apparently their names were Shu and Tefnut. There’s even a quote: “With [his hand], Atun masturbated and brought forth the first pair of souls.” [Oh yeah, and there’s a scary etching, too—I didn’t need to see that.]

•You’re not ready for this one! Ladies, you might want to close your eyes as you read this. The Sumerians, who invented the first written Western language, suggest a masturbation habit was a proud quality of their Mesopotamian god, Enki. [Would you follow any god named Enki? I don’t know about you, but to me it sounds like sushi. “I would like to order the ENKI, please!”]. Legend has it, and this is where it gets gross, this great god’s ejaculation filled the Tigris River. Yeah. Sick.

•Fast-forward a few thousand years. In the 1700s and 1800s, masturbation began being associated with mental and physical deficiencies. This might explain Walt Whitman. It’s estimated that up to 60 percent of mental and physical illnesses were blamed on masturbation.

•Yeah, so the fear of masturbation became so great that the “Cereal Guru” John Harvey Kellogg proclaimed that sex, for any reason other than reproduction, was “sexual excess.” Okay, so let me get this straight: People actually took sex advice from the guy who invented Corn Flakes and Frosted Mini-Wheats? Seems like a grrrrRREEEEAAT plan to me.

Unfortunately, a lot [certainly not all] of the eighteenth- and nineteenth-century thinking perpetuated from Christians or “the religious.” I know; you, like me, are completely shocked that Christians would do such a thing! But sadly, it’s true. Many God-followers have long tried to impose their staunch feelings about this controversial topic onto the lives of humanity. However, the medical community didn’t help matters much either. In the early twentieth century, some doctors invented devices—yes, devices—to help men and women refrain from masturbating. These devices had names like The Cage, Dr. Moodie’s Aparatus for Boys, Sexual Armor, and The Spike-Lined Device.

And I thought cold showers were bad.

Thankfully, religious and medical communities have learned a thing or two from our old mistakes and theories. But even some of today’s Christians make a huge fuss about masturbation. You don’t believe me? Just do a Google search on the topic. It’s actually uncanny how much time Christians invest in talking about, debating, worrying about, and “curing” masturbation. I guess I have no room to talk; I’ve spent the better part of a month researching it. But at least you won’t have to! By the amount of information, questions, and fears [from both men and women] displayed online, you might think the only thing some Christians do is masturbate, feel horribly guilty about it, start a forum online about their feelings, get some advice from other strugglers, and then masturbate again. [If you think I’m exaggerating, check out Crosswalk.com’s “men only” forum.]

It really has been quite educational for me to read about people’s thoughts regarding this ancient habit. Of course, I knew people had questions and worries; I’ve certainly had a few of my own along the way.

But I believe there’s a silver lining that comes with all of this talking; it implies that people are beginning to feel more comfortable discussing the topic. And in my opinion, that’s a very good thing. However, I think the good greatly depends on where their information is coming from. Because today, the Christian views about “self-relieving sexual tension” are all across the board.

Almost all the contemporary views differ greatly from those our Founding Fathers might have believed. Today’s views of masturbation range from adamant opposition [but thankfully without the use of “devices”] to calling it “a gift that a loving and gracious God has given.” And because of the Internet, everybody’s views and perspectives get equal play [or at least are heard]—from professional counselors and journalists to bloggers and pastors. Consider these current Christian ideals about masturbation.

•The “You’re Digging a Big Ole Ditch” Theory. “Basically, you should not masturbate or look or think about your male body because of how highly reinforcing masturbation is.” That’s what Jayson Graves, Christian psychotherapist (www.healingforthesoul.org), thinks about the topic. Mr. Graves, who works every day with those suffering from sexual addiction, believes that every time men masturbate, they are conditioning—or hard-wiring—their brains for addiction. He wrote this statement in an article called “Sex and the Brain”: “Imagine if you were to dig a ditch between the street and sidewalk from your driveway down to the store on the corner. Every day you walk in that ditch to buy the morning paper and over time that ditch gets deeper and wider to the point where even if you wanted to walk on the street or sidewalk, because of the erosion, there would be a tendency to fall back into the ditch. THIS IS THE ADDICTION.”

•Blogging Bonnie’s Theory [this one even comes with a new term!]. Sometimes those who post comments and opinions about masturbation online come up with new terms or ideas to describe the act. Over the years, I’ve heard Christians use nonslang terms like “solo sex” and “self-sex.” One guy, a well-loved Christian radio personality, believed masturbation was a form of homosexuality [because you’re “having sex with the same sex”—you.] But Bonnie, a blogging mother of three from New York with a website at TakeANumberPlease blog, calls masturbation something I had never heard before: autoerotism. [Sounds like a really strange act involving a car.] Her view is this: “Can it truthfully be said that autoerotism brings one closer to God, or, at the very least, does not separate one from God, if it indeed represents a use of sex for which it was not designed?” In her post about autoerotism, Bonnie also includes a little angst toward Dr. James Dobson’s point of view. “I have read James Dobson’s thoughts on the subject,” writes Bonnie. “[I] find them surprising and disappointing. It is odd that someone so hard-line on other issues of sexual morality can simply brush this one aside.”

•Doc’s Theory. Speaking of Dr. Dobson, his view at www.family.org is outlined in the form of a response to a parent’s concern that her thirteen-year-old is doing the “deed.” After a long pontification about the “four concerning circumstances” surrounding stimulating oneself—which include overwhelming guilt, extreme obsessive masturbatory behavior, addiction to pornographic material, and the effects it can have on a healthy sexual lifestyle within marriage—Dr. Dobson gets personal. Well, at least for him, this is personal: “My mother and father discussed this subject with me. We were riding in the car, and my dad said, ‘Jim, when I was a boy, I worried so much about masturbation. It really became a scary thing for me because I thought God was condemning me for what I couldn’t help. So I’m telling you now that I hope you don’t feel the need to engage in this act when you reach the teen years, but if you do, you shouldn’t be too concerned about it. I don’t believe it has much to do with your relationship with God.’ What a kind thing my father did for me that night in the car.” What a kind thing Dr. Dobson would do for a lot of kids and adults if he told that story every day on his radio program. Well, maybe not every day, but at least once a month.

•The “Rise and Shine and Give God the Glory” Theory. While I was an editor at CCM Magazine, Youth Worker Journal, a then-sister magazine to CCM, I ran a controversial op-ed piece about masturbation. It caused quite a stir among youth ministries across the country. Some praised the piece’s frank, honest, and open-minded view. Others responded, calling it “rubbish.” Dr. Dale Kaufman, a youth ministry veteran and author of “Is Masturbation a Sin?,” wrote this in the feature: “Is it possible to masturbate without straying into sinful thoughts? The answer is yes; for God, in designing the human body, has given it the ability to respond to physical stimuli without the necessity of embracing sinful thought. And it’s all right to enjoy the pleasurable feelings that accompany the activity.” But he didn’t stop there. He went on to say this: “And if the thought life is kept under control, the act becomes an experience of blessing from the Lord, rather than a shameful one. The sin [comes] in abusing a gift that a loving and gracious God has given.” And he might have gotten away with his controversial point of view had he not gone here: “After [Johnny (a kid Dr. Kauffman referenced throughout the feature)] heard about the boundaries [of masturbation] written in Scriptures and realized that God wasn’t going to condemn him for what he had done, Johnny began to come to a new understanding of how God wanted him to use the act of masturbation to bring glory to [him]. Johnny was amazed that he could thank God for the pleasure he was experiencing, and how such a focus of keeping his eyes on Jesus and keeping his thought life under control—while at the same time enjoying the sensations and giving God the praise—would be a tremendous help to him and would alleviate the false guilt he had been experiencing.” Yeah, so the whole “praising God” part didn’t go over too well. But it did get people thinking.

Okay, so maybe you’re wondering why I’m sharing four very distinct views. I did this because I think it’s important for you to know what faith-based views do exist today. And there are certainly more opinions—hundreds more—but I believe most other Christian opinions could simply become subpoints under these four that I mention.

But from my research—what I have read online, the surveys I received back from individuals, and my conversations with friends and counselors, one thing becomes quite clear about masturbation and how it relates to Christians: Twentysomethings and thirtysomethings–every age group, really–struggle with knowing what they should believe to be true.

Here’s what we know:

Most do it.

Some feel guilty about it.

Some don’t.

Such a strange predicament this issue puts so many people in.

[Now, what do you think about it? Write and tell me!]

Viagra is for the treatment of inability to get or keep an hard-on and similar states when hard-on is of low quality. When you buy remedies like cialis from canada you should know about cialis online canada. It may have a lot of brands, but only one ATC Code. Erectile malfunction, defined as the persistent impossibility to maintain a satisfactory erection, affects an estimated 15 to 30 millions men in the America alone. Sexual health is an substantial part of a man’s life, no problem his age etc.