My heart aches for the Duggar family.
It really does.
Sure, I’ve never been a fan of their reality show and I disagree with most of their social, religious, and political stances; but this latest news is simply tragic. In fact, tragic doesn’t even begin to explain what they’re going through now, what they went through then, and what they’ll experience down the road. That said, no matter how much I might disagree with the tenets of their public platform, my heart still breaks for them.
But I’m also thinking, what the hell?
I mean, seriously folks, what in the literal Hell?
The more I try to comprehend the details of this tragedy, the more my heart aches but the more I also think, what the hell. And while I hope I’m still not asking that question three months from now, right now, a little less than 48 hours after first hearing about Josh Duggar’s childhood abuses, asking what the hell is just about as much grace as I can muster up.
Now, God willing, given some time, my grace will evolve into something more akin to the grace of God, whatever that might look like.
But feeling God’s kind of grace takes time. Sometimes lots of time. Still, I’m writing about this topic because it matters. What Josh Duggar did 12 years ago still matters. And no number of people telling us otherwise should cause us to think differently
It still matters because it involves the safety and protection of children.
Are the Duggar kids safe? Are Jim Bob and Michelle wise enough to handle the decision making for all of the kids who live in their quiver?
Are Josh Duggar’s kids at risk? Are the children/teenagers of his closest friends safe? Does he work/volunteer in youth ministry? Children’s ministry? All of these are uneasy questions perhaps, but they are also very relevant questions.
But they aren’t unkind questions. And they’re not ungracious questions. They are necessary questions.
Because what happened 12 years ago still matters.
It still matters because Josh Duggar’s actions as a teenager weren’t just “mistakes,” they were choices, most likely calculated thought-out choices.
As much as some Christians would like to sweep these offenses under the “teenage boy curiosity” rug or the “normal teenager stupidity” rug or the “he confessed his sins and God forgave him 12 years ago” rug, a 14-year-old kid does not just wake up one day and think, “I’m going to sexually violate my little sister’s private parts today.” In most instances, this kind of behavior is thought out. It’s processed. It’s often organized and planned.
It still matters because Josh’s actions 12 years ago showcase predator-like behavior. These abuses happened multiple times over a 2 year period. He abused a multiple number of victims, most of which were his siblings. It’s been reported that one of his victims was as young as 4 years old. In several instances, the victims were sleeping.
And then, years later Josh became the director of the Family Research Counsel.
I mean, what the hell? How can this not matter?
It still matters because it still matters to the victims.
We haven’t heard from the victims yet. Why is that? Are they being silenced? Are their responses still being written? Would their responses concur with Josh’s response? His parents’s response?
Whatever the reasons for their silence, one thing is for sure, what happened 12 years ago still matters to them. How can it not matter to them?
Four out of the 5 known victims have been forced much of their lives to share a home with their abuser. Their abuser has been protected. Their abuser has been put in influential positions.
Hopefully all of them are receiving the treatment and therapy needed to continue their recovery. Hopefully they all feel free enough to express their troubles to parents or therapists. Because the effects of sexual abuse just don’t go away. They don’t simply disappear and never affect our lives again. And that matters. How Josh’s actions have affected his sisters’s lives matter.
Are the victims allowed to share their sides of the stories? Do they feel free to do that? Are their stories being kept silent by outside powers? Inside powers? Were they blamed at all? Were they expected and/or forced to forgive their abuser?
Are Jim Bob and Michelle wise enough to know that what Josh did still matters to their kids who are victims?
It still matters because at the root of the Duggar brand is the belief that kids are awesome! Which is true, of course. But their “Have lots of children” message may have been a part of the problem.
It seems that Jim Bob and Michelle’s quiver was/is way too full. Because at the end of the day, mom and dad Duggar helped cultivate an environment that led to the abuse happening. In other words, were they present? Or were they too busy with other kids or making other kids to notice the breakdown?
Because it didn’t just happen once. Or even twice. Or three times. It happened over and over and over again. And it went on for a year or two.
It still matters because for the last seven years the Duggars have turned their have-lots-of-kids lifestyle into a brand, a cause, a platform, an agenda. They’ve used their fame to make a lot of money and used their kids and their ability to have more kids keep that money coming in. But what were they willing to risk in order to project their messages on TLC? What did they sacrifice in hopes of holding on to their fame?
Because that matters.
I ache for the Duggars. I ache for all of the victims. I hope they are free to share their stories if they feel so inclined.
But seriously.
What the hell…
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As someone who lived with my abuser in a similar setting I can say that those are necessary questions and as painful and destructive as it may feel for the family and especially for the victims. Those girls have lived with shame and now are even more ashamed at the attention and the fear that comes with being the “cause” of the problem, rather than the blame being on Josh. All I can do it pray. Pray that those victims may know in their beings that it was not their fault, and that the shame does not have the power that it might feel like it does right now. And I also pray that we may find a way to speak about this all with grace, attention to safety and creating a space of freedom for those victims. I worry that there is too much joy at this horror being revealed and it will only add to their shame.
This is absolutely an articulation of how I feel. WHAT THE HELL? So devastated for the victims.
I agree with everything you said here, Matt, and that’s not always true :). Kudos to you for stating the hard questions that punch the face of denial and religious platitudes. As one who lived through brother molestation in a Christian family with Gothard influences, I feel this Duggar situation all too well. And I would point out that we should not assume the parents or the siblings, especially the victims, will be able to respond in anything but how they’ve been programmed to believe and act in this situation. As obvious as it seems to us on the outside, it will take some time – maybe years – for them to break free of mindsets that fostered an abusive atmosphere, permitted it (even IF ignorant), and then put a “Christian” response/spin on it. I’m watching those all over the outside reacting to this situation in shock and horror, and I’m more saddened for them. How they ever thought this WASN’T happening is beyond me. Their idol of a “perfect Godly family” has crumbled, and while I extend prayers and grace towards the whole family (Josh included), I am thankful that the blinders are off. Both the Duggars and their adoring public are in a pivotal place to have beliefs, systems, and infants challenged. Here’s hoping they will experience TRUE grace and freedom through this painful situation.
I love this response /\ and I am praying for you. God knows who you are.
I too like lady Kate’s response. I work hard at being Christian and I believe God works through all of us. Josh has admitted and I pray he and all his family is getting the help they so deserve, including Josh. He has made the first step towards Jesus forgiving his sins. I will continue to pray for this family and all victims all over the world. God Bless them all!
Would some one tell me (what was god doing when this was going on ) I’m sure the little girls prayed for him to stop !! For 2yrs ???
I have not read of this story anywhere else and will certainly do so. As to the question , what was God doing…I will try to answer. God was right there in the midst of the situation and was at work to bring it to light so that it could stop. Truthfully, years can go by but that doesn’t mean God doesn’t care. When sin entered the world….it opened us up to hurt and pain that God never wanted for us…our choices affect others and that can never be forgotten. We like to think that we can do what we want and people should not judge us, but the truth is our choices are not just about us they can affect everyone around us. God does forgive and people can change, people can forgive and go forth and I am a testimony to that fact. Some have tried to attribute the big family as the root of this problem when in truth it can happen in any family big or small…our eyes must be open. Parents miss things, we all need God’s help.
Matt: I have to say (and have said elsewhere) that the apology and the family’s narrative left me feeling angry and dissatisfied, but I had a hard time articulating why. You have done that perfectly, giving me the words I could not find. We may be polar opposites on spiritual matters, but on this, you have helped me understand clearly why I felt so viscerally undone by the way this has played out.
Well done.
The apology say wrong with me as well. I was struck by Josh’s response that he quit the abuse (and was advised to stop) because of how “it would ruin his life.” Not messing up our own lives is not the main reason we do not/should not abuse others.
**Not messing up our own lives is not the main reason we do not/should not abuse others.**
This – exactly 🙂
That response is surprising coming from a “Christian” family who claims to be living by godly, biblical values… I mean, quitting a sinful action because it ‘will ruin’ your life??? …what about because it’s wrong, and will ruin someone else’s life?? This whole incident is so unfortunate because Josh had a promising career where he could have been a great influence.. and because it destroys the reputation of this whole family who were portrayed as ‘perfectly’ living out the Christian life. I am sickened by the fact that this happened 12 YEARS ago..and the Duggars covered it up and continued to stay on a show living a lie for the sake of making millions…that is disgusting. I am not naïve enough to think that people don’t make mistakes, but there are consequences to mistakes..and to have something this devastating happen over and over for two years, while they are on a show ‘selling’ their Christianity, pretending that they have the perfect family life is ridiculous. I would have had more respect for them if they had just cancelled their show in the ‘best interest of their children’.. I have only watched the show a couple of times because they were portrayed as just too perfect in my mind, with all those kids, travelling around the country in their million dollar bus, building their mansion of a home…and homeschooling. I am a mother of five who homeschooled, and thought there is no way, with all those kids that you could do it all yourself.. it was too apparent to me that they were ‘selling’ their kids for a fortune on a show exclusively about the size of their family.. and I wondered ‘how do their kids feel about having the cameras around all the time, making a show’..I felt sorry for all the kids for not being able to have a ‘normal’ life.. and Bob and Michelle seemed to be all about making more babies in some sick effort to set some record for family size, when they had all the problems with little Josie, wouldn’t you think that maybe, just maybe, you should consider maybe not trying to get pregnant, that you are taking a chance to have babies with severe medical issues?? I could never personally understand anyone having the time or energy they had to ‘make babies’…and I only have five children! When I go to bed most nights, I’m completely exhausted..and as much as I love my husband, there won’t be any chance of ‘adding to the family’..Maybe if THEY actually took care of all their children 24/7, they wouldn’t have so much energy trying to make more!..I always wondered how many nannies and housekeepers they really had to take care of all them kids… They lived a fairy tale life, making a lot of money because they specialized in having kids.. and that seemed to be their only focus in life..when one of those kids was having the kind of problem their son Josh was having, you think they would do the right thing and quit the show and deal with the problem… making sure that they were doing everything in their power to help those kids that they brought into this world..but they chose to stay on a show and collect a paycheck, pretending that nothing was going on, and I find that despicable…
That’s exactly why I think it is sincere. I think that for once in his life, especially since the show started, he said exactly what he wanted to say because that is how he felt. He stopped because he was scared about ruining his life. I am not saying that it is right for him to think only of his reputation, or defending him in any way. But I am trying to look at this whole situation with a grace-filled glance and think about the wrongs things that I have done to others.
Also, is it not abuse to impregnate a woman year in and year out. No woman’s body is made for that abuse!
I have a few questions and wonderings that probably will not be answered, and understandably so. Was Josh Dugger abused? That would explain his anger towards homosexuals. Are the girls okay? Did they receive help? Most people are assuming that they protected Josh but not the daughter, but maybe their silence about everything was to also protect the girls. Maybe the girls wanted to make sure that no one found out. I feel that the person who leaked the article wanted to defamate Josh and didn’t care that it exposed the others, which makes me angry for them. They do not deserve the press surrounding this. They will never get away from the world knowing about their pasts. This was THEIR story to tell when THEY were ready . Furthermore, maybe the victims asked for the documents to be destroyed. If one of the victims is still a minor then maybe the person who leaked the records and the tabloid who leaked the story should face charges. I understand wanting the abuser outed (although I think this was more about Josh’s outspoken views about homosexuals) however it should never have been at the victim’s expense.
How do you know if they were ready? It may very well be, and in fact likely is, that the victims were not made a priority here. Your attitude also continues to stigmatize victims, which is something we desperately need to get away from in this culture. There should be no shame in being a victim, only in being a predator, in being one who creates victims. The victims need to be embraced and made to feel safe and their needs made a priority.
The person who outed Josh, I would venture, has done them a greater service than harm, by any stretch.
ToonForever. It would be wrong to assume that the victims were not made a priority in this case, at the time when the incidents occurred, and throughout all these years. We are talking about something that happened 12 years ago! This is not stigmatizing the victims; I do agree with you that there should be no shame in being the victim. This is about respecting the victims’ privacy. Unlike what you may think, the person who outed Josh might have caused a lot of damage by bringing up something that the victims had already dealt with and put behind them. Whether Josh paid for what he did or not (and I do not defend him in ANY way), that was decided 12 years ago by the authorities before whom the issue was brought up to. Maybe the victims wanted to leave this all in the past, maybe not. We cannot assume either way. But in any case, ask any abuse victim if they would like to have their past exposed and published for the whole world to see or not!?
I appreciate your perspective. I have shared this and many other points of view on my FB page. I am a counselor and wrote a post about sexual abuse. What it does to victims. Do you mind I share it? http://www.LucilleZimmerman.com/2015/05/22/a-candid-discussion-about-sexual-abuse-in-light-of-the-duggar-story/
Not all victims are paralyzed and ashamed. As I got older I sought out help from different sources. Religious and non religious. Doing both helped me immensely. No two people are alike and you can’t make a case on generalities. Just because they have a tv show, does it mean the media can crucify Josh Duggar. If this was an everyday joe we wouldn’t know about it. The records were to be sealed then destroyed by order of the judge. Upon 18, his record would have been expunged. That’s the law and the agreement that all parties involved agreed to. It was a victim that requested all records be destroyed. That everyone needed to start over. If we as victims can get past this. Whether its spiritual or clinical, forgive their abuser or toucher. That’s a personal decision and none of the medias and the whole countries business. He was a kid. He deserves a second chance.
“an agreement that all parties involved agreed to.” You think all the children that were abused had a part in that agreement? I seriously doubt it. He was plenty old enough to know what he was doing was wrong. He wasn’t a six year old playing doctor, and from all accounts this was not done over a short period of time, but over the course of a few years. Have you met today’s teenagers? They are not ‘kids’.
I agree wholeheartedly with what you have said. The only reason the web has blown up over this is because he is a well-known figure and a Christian! Had he been Joe Nobody then the victims would not be needing to deal with this in the face of all humanity. Their wishes to have the records destroyed would have been followed through. Not every victim of sexual abuse suffers for the rest of their lives. Some wish to simply get over it and on with their lives and having it made public at any time causes more harm and damage than the initial abuse ever did. Those who are villifying Josh at the expense of his sisters/friend should take a step back and ask…why is it ok to cause more damage to victims in order to get revenge against him? Why does making him face his sins again hold more importance than allowing the girls to continue their healing/moving on process in peace? I’m all for perpetrators of abuse of any kind facing their punishment but not over and over again. He confessed his sin/crime. Did his punishment/time, TOLD AUTHORITIES, and apologized to those he hurt. He does not owe the entire world an apology, only those he abused. And if the abused want to move forward with their lives without this becoming public knowledge, so in the world had the right to deny them that? I belive bringing this out now, had probably done the girls much more harm than the original abuse. A person CAN recover from any abuse (many choose NOT to) but once it’s made public they will forever wonder if people are thinking about it wherever they go and because of this it will NOW follow them forever.
I think their parents should have asked all those questions prior to parading their entire lives and belief system on television.
Be sure your sins will find you out. I believe the Duggar’s need to be educated about the deeper problems that exist in their family. I believe this was meant to be brought to the light
For a positive outcome. If they stay on the air, perhaps they’ll have a new premise that could help other family’s. People who sign up for reality TV should be ready to have every area of their lives exposed for the whole world . The children are the innocent ones, what’s been said and shown will never go away. The outcome remains to be seen, hopefully true healing
Will take place for this family. What the rest of us think does not matter. I wish them the best!
Many choose not to? Are you an idiot? You think dealing with sexual abuse is something you just DECIDE? Do you have any idea of what is involved in trauma work? You obviously have zero understanding of the affects of abuse. Sexual especially.
Many choose not to recover?! To echo MPT, what the hell?! That has to be one of the most ridiculous statements on survivors of abuse that I have ever heard.
And another point – you carry it with you EVERY DAY whether it’s public or not. You ALWAYS wonder whether people can tell just by looking at you.
I ache for those girls that they have likely been told that they MUST forgive their brother or they’re in disobedience; that they had to live with him, knowing his only repercussion was to be sent away for 3 months. I wonder if they were even allowed to tell their spouses/potential spouses?
Family should be trustworthy and home should be SAFE. Safe from abuse, perversion, molestation etc. etc….Religion is NOT an excuse to damage others and get away with it. Yes we all make mistakes but sexually molesting younger siblings is not a mistake but several destructive dangerous mental illnesses.
If someone preys on younger children sexually they require serious psychiatric counseling and should be removed from all places of opportunity where they could harm again. I hope the victims are free to share their story, receive help and escape the darkness.
Do you know why else you should care? ? True, 14 year old kids don’t wake up one day and decide to molest and manipulate someone younger than them. Something breaks them. Some ONE breaks them. The question no one is asking is who broke HIM.
I’m wondering if perhaps it’s more the fact I’m quite sure the parents never gave them “the talk”, since Jim Bob gave him a tape about sex to listen to ON THE WAY TO HIS HONEYMOON.
However… Sexually abusing your sisters is not something you accidentally do out of curiosity (though, I can’t help but think of the book “Flowers in the Attic”, though a different principle at play) past the age of 4, when you discover that their bits are different to yours. So yes, I agree the question needs to be asked.
Although what Josh did was terribly wrong (touching young girls inappropriately), what one person here said is so true. Someone broke Josh. The atmosphere he grew up in, while trying to be Christian, was NOT healthy. Children took care of other children. They were not allowed to socialize with non Christians. Because Christians are under fire from the liberal press, this story was paraded before the public, when if it was any person who was unknown to the nation and media, it wouldn’t have been the knowledge of anyone except the people involved. Perhaps the Duggar empire needed to collapse. I pray for healing for all of them.
Are you kidding me? You’re blaming the “liberal” media for this? The Duggars chose to be celebrities. They chose to put their family and their children out there on their television show. The only difference between them and a child abuser we haven’t heard about is that the Duggars asked to be in front of the media. It doesn’t help that they have used their celebrity to defame other “sinners” – including accusing trams people of being child molesters. And now they seem to be more concerned about Josh than the victims. The hypocrisy is just stunning.
Thanks, Lucille, for posting on your site and for posting here. The thing that concerns me most with the frenzy around this story is the fact that the people writing about it, including MPT, seem to feel that reflecting on who is to blame is more important than posting one. single. item of practical help for the people who need help.
It doesn’t help for us to claim that we are “for the victims” in this story if we don’t take the time to point to HOW and WHERE the millions of victims of sexual abuse reading stories like these might actually get help. May your tribe increase, and may your readership flourish.
What no one is talking about is that families like the Duggars are so patriarchal and misogynist that they WANT their daughters damaged!!! They WANT their children damaged. Their church and pastor WANT damaged people. Damaged people are much easier to control and keep in line. And in a weird Stockholm syndrome the mothers are almost co-conspirators.
You don’t think Michelle Duggar was abused as a child, to let her son continue to abuse his sisters? Do you think is is just a coincidence that the state trooper who “talked” to Josh “lost the file” and is now in prison for child pornography. Do you think it is just a coincidence that the program the Duggar’s church suggested was set up by a some one now discredited for sexual harassment of teenagers? And even THAT scared Jim Bob’s sense of control enough that he didn’t send Josh there?the weight of shame is heAvy enough to keep anyone down on their knees which is where Jim Bob and his ilk want everyone !!!
They all knew!!!!
And the wanted it to happen!!!!!
really????????????????????????? come on!!!!~
You are spot on. Thanks for sharing this. I am with you about the grace. I pray that his victims have and are getting the therapy they will need
I was with you and agree with you up until you said that it follows that they have too many kids. Have you read research on child abuse? Do peer reviewed research studies back up your assertion that large families are more highly correlated with child abuse than small families? You make a good argument that Josh Duggar’s actions ARE still relevant today, but your last statement hurts your argument as it does not logically follow from your argument.
Sexual abuse is learned behavior. Josh didn’t wake up one day and say, hey, I’m going to go feel the genitalia of multiple people, 4 of whom are my sisters. Who sexually abused Josh? Are any of the children in the Duggar family safe from sexual abuse from each other? Are Josh’s children safe from inappropriate touching from their father?
Thank you for stating so clearly what I am feeling. Exactly. I think that there is one more thing that is being overlooked – was it really just for 2 years? The people who are saying it happened just for 2 years are the same people who covered it up in the first place – are they really going to say if they know it happened again? If it did happen again, and to anyone else, I doubt those girls tried telling anyone again, because it didn’t help the first 2 times, right? We know only about those victims and years that were in the report – what about other instances and other victims? What about the many, many other victims out there of other abusers in our churches, who either can’t tell anyone, or the people they’ve told don’t care?
This tragedy being exposed could have been an opportunity to identify sexual abuse for what it is and make social changes in the way we think about sexual abuse to put an end to it. For starters doing something to remove the statute of limitations so that the ones that commit the crime and destroy the innocence of others and cause suffering that will follow then their whole life, pay something for it. Josh’s victims deserve to know that what he did to them is punishable, more than just a slap on the wrist, and then a warm hug from the media because he “changed his ways and came to Jesus.” All this does is perpetuate abuse. It sends the message that sexual abuse is a simple mistake and not a heinous crime. It makes it out to be a lot less destructive than what it in reality is. It normalizes abuse and almost makes it out to be a natural thing that adolescent boys do.
as a survivor of sexual abuse you have to forgive and forget in order to carry on with your life and it is no ones business but theirs ,it was dealt with. I know that is very difficult do deal with. To this day my family does not know who my abuser was but God him self . This is a private matter that probably brought up bad memories for all of them
I’m sure its been agonizing for the victims with all of this coming out. I don’t believe not talking about it or exposing the truth helps anyone though. When such evil is hidden behind a perfect facade, all that does is isolate the victims and deepens their shame. I believe that forgiveness is part of the long and excruciatingly painful process of healing, but not forgetting. Its impossible to forget and damn hard to forgive. People talk about forgiveness like its as easy as snapping your fingers, and like Josh is entitled to it. His victims are going to suffer in some way all of their lives because of his actions. You don’t just walk away from sexual trauma unscathed and unharmed just like you don’t walk away from a plane crash unharmed.
I wonder if Josh was abused by anyone when he was growing up? And I wouldn’t be surprised if Jim Bob also abused one or more of his children. The abuse to the victims stays with them forever. The victims may forgive their abuser, however, their lives have been totally wrecked and any choice they make from that moment on regarding boyfriends/girlfriends to husbands/wives is based on the abuse. And they usually end up choosing men or women with major control/sexual issues, which perpetuates the abuse.
What the hell you ask? I ask you what the hell, Matthew? Why would you hope to hear from Josh’s victims? What, precisely, do you expect and want to hear? Precisely how many in our society would need to hear from Josh’s victims to satisfy you? Why, oh why would any of us need to hear from them? Is it truly newsworthy, according to God’s Holy written Word? Is the public format of a hurting family’s tragic circumstances a part of the healing process? Is the public part of the problem or part of the solution? It seems to me as if the public has all of the answers but none of the problems, eh? Do you think for the public to hear from the victims would contribute to their healing? Do you think it’s contributing to their healing to know that the entire nation – no, world – has heard of their plight? What about Anna’s and Josh’s precious children learning of this in the future??? What the hell? Is that healing??? It appears to me as if the Duggar / purity / modesty / traditional marriage/ homeschooling haters are delighting in – even celebrating – Josh’s sin / public humiliation. What the hell? Everyone is in dire need of examining the darkness in their own hearts concerning this. You are right. These things take time and lots of God’s grace. The Duggars have had twelve years of time and God’s grace overflowing since the tragic experiences. Jim-Bob and Michelle love their children more than anyone else besides God Almighty. They, more than anyone else, want them to be restored to optimal health. I have no doubt they have WISELY ensured every one of them has received an abundance of Biblical counseling. Of course, they care about the safety of each of their precious children! For you, Matthew, to question otherwise is exceedingly presumptuous and pompous. What the hell? How everyone has made this their business is affecting the victims, who rightfully put the experiences behind them where they belong. Jim-Bob’s and Michelle’s quiver is NOT too full. What the hell? Everyone needs to see children as unmitigated blessings from God the way the Duggars do! How dare you accuse them of cultivating an environment that led to such abuse??? By the way, their show on TLC began after the molestations occurred. They do not care more about fame and fortune than they do about their beloved children!!! WHAT THE HELL??? What Josh Duggar did when he was a child is NONE of our business!
One more thing. To all those haters out there, when you are celebrating the public humiliation and fall of Josh Duggar, you are, at the same time, celebrating the sadness, pain and suffering of his victims!!!
Well said… especially ” Everyone is in dire need of examining the darkness in their own hearts concerning this. “and “What Josh Duggar did when he was a child is NONE of our business!”
This is a case of someone who began to be an abuser 12 years ago, being maybe, actually cured of it. It is terrible what he did, but it is not the same as someone who began and continued to abuse. This is a significant issue when our society is rampant with sexual abuse. What inspired even someone who grew up in a Christian home to began abuse. It probably was not sincere Christian influence that led to it. The prevalence in the rest of society, I do not think would be attributed to sincere Christian influence. Even if the family went to police authorities eventually, the fact is that they did. And it is a misrepresentation to say they did not take immediate action, but the initial actions they took were religious in nature. They deserve some respect in taking serious action. We all know that in our present society, there have been a lot of worse outcomes than Josh Duggar with those who began abusing others. But in this case all evidence actually points to a successful over-all dealing with a powerfully evil behavior, that maybe, ultimately produced healing in the lives of all involved. Many are assuming that the lives of those involved have been devastated, and this assumption is rightly based on the norm associated with sexual abuse that occurs. But there is a question of what has been the actual outcome in the lives of those affected by this evil in the case of Josh Duggar. There may be more healing and wholeness in this case because of the Christian way of dealing and the real repentance in Josh’s life. What Jesus wants to do is the heal us from the destructions of sin, and if possible keep us from sin in the first place.
Well done on a very good article, that articulates all that I found hard to express. I am also wondering how this will affect Josh’s own children. To grow up and discovering this about your father will be very traumatic, and I imagine,make them go though their own childhood memories with a fine toothcomb. They are victims too.
WHAT THE HELL, indeed. I ache for them, and for all of us, stuck in a world where branding, the all-important image, and of all things our definition of moral behavior prevents us from telling, and dealing with, THE TRUTH. Whether in public or in our private lives, it seems no one can bear to tell the truth anymore. Even to themselves.
From a mental-health standpoint, this leaves us in a very uncomfortable place colloquially known as “Totally Effing Screwed.” I’m tired of it. Tell the truth. And don’t make it disappear when the truth becomes ugly. That’s the way, slow and painful though it be, to put an end to stigma, shame, victim-blaming, black-and-white moral judgments, and a whole lot of the rest of the BS our society perpetrates upon its members– that is to say, we perpetrate upon each other and ourselves.
We as Christians are progressively able to deal with failure within our religion and within our society as evidenced here and throughout the media. It is not a condemnation of Christianity that abuse happens as some have expressed just because a crime and sin is committed. The perpetrator came forward and accounted for his crime and his sins that happened both to the court system and to god. He is not a hypocrite now by standing up for what’s right and he himself admitted his guilt to man and god years ago.
Here’s an interesting aside that speaks volumes for the standing of Christianity. I know some have many negative views about some of its bad apples and they are right to feel that way. However, imagine if this situation we are discussion had happened in the islamic religion. Seriously,if you can’t imagine what might have happened with everything in the news then try imagining that abuse is sanctioned regularly in islam under sharia and the concept of “honor” and just recently this was also the subject of an astounding case:
http://lastresistance.com/502/islamic-child-abuse-gets-you-probation-in-arizona/
In fact in islam the abused victim is often the one that is punished as found at:
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2013/04/09/1200220/-15-Year-Old-Rape-Abuse-Victim-Sentenced-Under-Sharia-Law-To-Public-Lashing-For-Fornication
Yes, Christianity may be under fire for some by old abuse skeletons coming out of the closet but I will take it any day over its ability to examine itself for its shortcomings and stand up for the right thing. Do not try to judge it or anything in this world by looking at isolated instances. I would ask anyone who does this why they are doing it. Is it to somehow justify yourself in some way for things that you are doing or not doing?
One final thing that was brought up about this by media is that one reason for this supposedly being “covered up” was by law the victims were to be protected. Now, of course, that will signal those to say that it was covered up for the perpetrator. Some will never be satisfied but again I’ll take our system and I believe much more in someone who comes forward with their actions as was done years ago.