I Love Politics. I Hate Politics. I Hate Loving Politics. (It’s Complicated.)

Over the next couple weeks, I’m going to write about politics. Don’t worry, most of my posts will either be about “politics” as a whole (not about one side or the other), and when I do venture into write about political preferences, I’ll keep the focus personal and reflective. Still, by doing this, I’m probably asking for trouble. My politics is something I’ve avoided writing about (at length, anyway). For a couple reasons. One reason is obvious, because so many of us have such strong (and personal) feelings about politics. And I get that. While we’re all capable of taking our politics too seriously, most of us are passionate about politics because we’re able to connect them to so many various aspects of our lives, from our values and worldview to our culture, beliefs, and pocketbooks. And also our futures. That’s why it’s difficult to write about politics, because it’s difficult to do without stepping on somebody else’s perspective.

The other big reason I’ve avoided writing about my politics is the topic of this post, actually. I have a weird relationship with politics. On Facebook, it would be listed as “it’s complicated.”

Maybe this is just me, but I’m a bit insane when it comes to my relationship with politics. You know, sometimes we’re lovers, sometimes we can’t stand to be in the same room with one another, and sometimes we’re just friends with benefits, and sometimes it’s all of the above. We should go to counseling (and stop texting one another). But we don’t. We can’t. But we both want to.

The thing is I’m politically a little crazy. Which is one of the reasons (a big reason perhaps) I sometimes struggle remaining “human”-you know, kind, rational, capable of resisting the temptation to jump to crazy insane conclusions-whenever I find myself debating politics, especially debating politics online. I’ve decided I might be politically bipolar (or am I bipolarizing?). It’s hard to say, really.

Now, to be clear, I’m not bipolar in regards to my views on things. I have very little trouble keeping my opinions on one side. However, when it comes to how I feel about politics in general, my mood swings worse than Florida during a presidential election.

Some days I love politics.
Some days I hate politics.
Some days I hate loving politics.

I love debating health care.
I hate debating health care.

Sometimes I’m capable of letting somebody speak rudely about President Obama.
Sometimes I try to eat the people who say disrespectful things about him.

I think debating on Facebook is AMAZING sometimes.
But sometimes I want to hurt myself after debating on Facebook.

I have days when I think polls are great and days when I think polls are unreliable and once in a while–rarely, really–I’ll ponder whether or not polls are numeric conspiracies.

I love America.
But I also think Canada looks nice.

I have days when I don’t care about who you’re voting for and days when I wonder if I should care.

I have moments when I’m fine with you thinking I’m an idiot because of how I’m voting and moments when your opinion about my vote keeps me awake at night.

Some days I can walk away from a potentially heated Twitter debate with ease and grace and days when I’m drawn to somebody’s ridiculous half-witted comment like a dog returning to its own vomit (or somebody else’s vomit as is usually the case).

I have days when I feel obligated to prove that I’m right and days when I could care less that somebody thinks I’m wrong.

I can be cordial.
I can be mean.
I can be snarky.
I can be passionate.
I can be careless.
And some days I can be care free.

I’m like a bad Katy Perry song.

My relationship with politics hasn’t always been like this. Fifteen years ago, if you would have asked me what I thought about politics, a huge very satisfied smile would have appeared across my face. Because I LOVED politics. I loved politics unnaturally.

I fell in love with the political process when I was in sixth grade. Young, right? But an early relationship with politics was actually quite normal in the church that I grew up in. I was Baptist and many of us, more than you might think, really, started having heated election-year affairs with politics long before we even hit puberty.

Politics and me remained serious throughout high school, college, and well into my late twenties.

But then something changed. It wasn’t politics. Politics was the same as it always was–an all-consuming anxiety-ridden thrill ride, somewhat of a mind f*ck, really, an idea that promised me more return on my investment during every single election and filled me with purpose and passion. Politics made me feel good about myself. Sure, it physically abused a few times, but I enjoyed the “high” to such a degree that I didn’t (perhaps I couldn’t) say no. No, politics didn’t change.

I’m pretty sure politics never changes.

Perhaps I changed. Or maybe I didn’t change; maybe I just got older. Something changed. And yet, some things are exactly the same. I still love politics. I just have days when I hate it. It still punches me in the gut sometimes. And yet, for some reason, I always give it one more chance.

So yeah, I’m gonna write about my politics, even though my relationship with it is codependent and unhealthy. I think I need to write about it. Maybe it will help.

Okay, so now that I’ve shared this: Who wants to debate health care?

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How would you describe your relationship with politics?

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