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Redneck Jesus and More (JESUS PICTURES!)

“Dying on the cross for their sins wasn’t enough for rednecks. No, they needed more. But don’t worry; I’ll heal them before we spend eternity together.” -Jesus

“Sigh. I don’t understand why the plate follows me… it only happens in pictures…” -Jesus

“Don’t look at me with those big ole crocodile tears in your eyes. This is all your fault. I should be the one crying. Not you.” -Jesus

“Only you can prevent soul fires.”  -Jesus

“Gather around me all ye gay men and female whores; watch me raise Timmy from the dead.”
“He’s just passed out, Rabbi.” -Whore #1
“At the time this picture was taken, I was a huge fan of Rod Stewart.” -Jesus
“Jesus, this probably isn’t the best time, but would you please tell James and John here that “The Rock” is my nickname.” -Peter
“I stinketh, don’t I? Any of you have some frankincense I can borrow?” -Jesus
“Can I have your autograph?” -Jesus
“He does feel warm. Is he drinking fluids?” -Jesus
“Why are you here Holy Spirit Dove? My baptism isn’t scheduled until next month–John couldn’t do it this month. I’m doing my aquatic yoga.”

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Matthew Paul Turner

Author Matthew Paul Turner

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