I met Shula through Twitter. After seeing some of my Tweets regarding “sex week” she contacted me about her sex toy store SensuousWife.com
I was intrigued. I mean, who isn’t just a little intrigued about sex toys? OK, maybe not every body. But I’ll confess; it’s intriguing to me.
Shula and I exchanged several emails. Immediately, I recognized several things about Shula:
1) She loves God.
2) She loves life.
3) She knows a lot about sex toys.
4) But most of all, Shula loves helping to empower wives to embrace their God-given sexuality.
Which I think is sort of cool.
And THAT’S why I decided I wanted to interview her for Sex Week.
Before you read the interview, check this out:
One lucky/blessed husband or wife is going to win a $100 gift certificate to SensuousWife.com
How sweet is that? Seriously, let’s give it up for Shula!
Now, just in case you’re wondering, SensuousWife.com is designed with the woman in mind (pastel colors and such), but it’s safe for husbands to visit too.
You will find NO nudity or offensive pictures at this site. The most suggestive pictures you’ll see are a few small DRAWINGS of couples in sexual positions. Trust me–it’s safe. Maybe not as safe as The Fish radio stations, but you’re safe.
TO ENTER TO WIN THE $100 GIFT CERTIFICATE, leave a comment!
If you TWEET something about “Sex Week,” and use my Twitter name @JesusNeedsNewPR in the Tweet, you can leave a SECOND comment!
A winner will be announced on Friday morning!
NOW… the interview…
MATTHEW: First of all, why did you start SensuousWife.com?
SHULA: The store grew out of my blog and my desire to share with others the resources that have worked for me. I’ve overcome the hurdles of sexual abuse and medical issues that stood between me and the sexual health I now enjoy and I want to help other women do the same. My sex therapist Dr. Doug Rosenau encouraged me to share my story so I started a blog. That was 3 years ago, and I’ve been floored by the letters I’ve received from readers.
Like millions of men and women, I suffered with chronic lower back pain. Intercourse was painful and likely to start a flareup of symptoms that could last for days. I worked up my courage and asked my physical therapist if there were any products that could help me have a normal sex life. She recommended Liberator shapes, specially shaped foam forms that make sex comfortable again and make so many positions possible. We tried Liberator shapes and they really helped me. The manufacturer’s website had gratuitous nudity, so I decide to be the solution and offer Liberator shapes and toys in an store that was respectful, playful and free of images that could be a problem for my guests. (More about the store’s story here.)
OK, so when you got the idea for sex toy store, did you think there would be a market for sex toys within the faith community?
I was sure there was a market for sex toys within the faith community. I also wanted to create a store that felt friendly and approachable to couples of faith and those who want to develop their spirituality. It’s very clear to me that sexuality and spirituality are perfect counterparts and I invite people to explore combining the two. Guests who read my blog will hear that Jesus is my higher power and I want all guests who visit my store to feel welcome. It was very important that no guest feel “disqualified” because they are not a Christian. And equally important for guests who are Christians to feel free to “come on in the water’s fine!” as they explore sexuality in a healthy way. So I suppose you could say SensuousWife.com is not a Christian toy store, it’s a Missional toy store.
I know a lot of Christians who feel uneasy (maybe even fearful) about bringing toys into the bedroom, why do you think that is?
I agree with Lisa Graham McMinn, author of Sex and Holy Longing, when she says that many Christians are neo-Gnostic and don’t realize it. The idea of “spirit good body bad” is all over our culture and we have to guard against it. I wrote an article called Our Bodies Matter to Jesus on EmergingWomen to address that very concern. Through the incarnation, Jesus took on himself a body. Our bodies are created and redeemed by God. We use technology at the dentist and doctors to keep our bodies healthy. No reason why we can’t use technology in the bedroom to give each others’ bodies pleasure and to celebrate oneness in a beautiful erotic way.
Do you have any advice on how bring up the conversation of “toys” with a spouse who is the type of person that, doesn’t mind having sex, but doesn’t like talking about making it better?
Well nothing leads like servant leadership. I like the idea of a husband saying, “Darling, I want to celebrate your pleasure and help make our sexual time together extra special for you. When I serve you around the house taking care of the honey-do list, I use tools to do a better job. I’ve been thinking that some toys and tools might be a good idea in the bedroom. Might be fun..” He could always go down to Home Depot and buy a brand new clean leather tool belt and wear nothing but that while he makes his pitch! Maybe I should sell those… haha!
For the couple who is new to “toys,” can you recommend a toy or two that might be good for beginners?
Sure. I’d recommend the Lelo Lily or the Lelo Bo. Lily is a discreet, well-designed vibe that is easy to use and has variable speeds. Bo is a ring that is worn around the base of the penis to give pleasure to her clitoris during intercourse. He will enjoy it as well. Both the Lily and the Bo are cordless, use no batteries and are rechargeable. They each come with a 1 year manufacturer’s warranty. Lelo toys are long-lasting high quality toys that are quiet to operate.
OK, Shula, do sex toys come in levels, you know, as in beginner, intermediate, professional?
Professional? (laughing) All I can think of now is that GMC commercial “we are professional grade” (laughing). Alright, I think I get the idea of what you‘re asking. Hmm, well yes and no. It’s not like you have to be qualified to buy a certain toy. I encourage guests to think of my store as a cafeteria for the senses-look around take what you find appealing and leave the rest. We have something to delight each one of the senses. I wanted a holistic approach. The site’s navigation bar is designed by “senses.”
We also offer a Liberator’s Black Label product line.
You have a black label line of products? Are these products legal?!
Yes! (Laughes) Some couples find masking one of the senses heightens another. By wearing a blindfold and masking their sense of sight, they find their sense of touch is amplified. The sense of playful anticipation not knowing where her husband might kiss her next can increase her arousal. In a similar way, some couples enjoy using soft velcro handcuffs to encourage the husband to hold still while she kisses him all over. In an atmosphere of playfulness, love and trust, these toys can bring pleasure and fun to your bedroom, or gameroom or anywhere else you and your spouse can find to be alone!
Hmm… OK… and these products are in a special section?
We wish to prevent any unpleasant triggering for our guests who are recovering from sexual abuse or sexual addiction, so we’ve put these toys in a separate section of the store. We want to assure all our guests that we’re here to promote pleasure for wives and the husbands who love them. Shame or humiliation is not what we’re about. We believe there’s an ocean of difference between a husband and wife playfully using toys to hold each other still for kisses, intercourse or other loving touches and a someone using pain or humiliation in an abusive manner to crush the human spirit.
Many couples have found that at times their love and generosity with each other can get a little bit rowdy. If you’re at a place in your healing journey that you’re ready to say, “Hold still, honey, you’re really gonna like this!”, then come on in.
How can toys enhance the sexual experience for couples?
After talking with so many women and couples, I believe that toys enhance a couple’s sexual experience on so many levels.
It’s really important that husbands and wives talk honestly with each other about what works for them and what doesn’t work for them sexually. That takes a certain amount of courage and self-confidence to say “I like this” or “That doesn’t really do anything for me”. Toys can make it easier to communicate this without making it about the partner’s performance. Sometimes it’s easier for a wife to say to her husband “try setting 3” or “less pressure”.
Many couples find that it’s easier for the husband to experience his orgasm than it is for the wife to experience hers. If he happens to come first, toys can make sure she is not left behind. It’s not over till the lady sings! Toys can take a tremendous amount of emotional pressure off of the wife who might feel pressure that she better hurry up and come because he’s about to and it will be over when he does.
And toys have no refractory period, so if she wants to come again, he can keep on pleasuring her until she feels satisfied. A good toy in the hand of a loving husband can be a wonderful thing.
Toys are also a wonderful way for her to learn her sexual response cycle, learn how orgasm works for her, and then give her husband a little sexy show-and-tell to teach him what she likes. I’ve suggested to many wives that they try this and every husband that I mentioned the idea to thought it was a homework assignment they couldn’t wait to try.
OK, so would you mind telling us your favorite top five sex toys?
Not at all. I most often recommend…
- the Liberator Throe
- the Liberator Wedge/Ramp Combo
- the Lelo Gigi
- the Liberator Black Label Esse
- the Emotional Bliss Womolia.
The Throe: This a beautiful blanket with satin on one side and soft sensuous fabric on the other side and a moisture barrier inside. Nobody has to sleep on the wet spot ever again. Hallelujah!
The Wedge/Ramp Combo: Seriously, her gspot will stand up and sing the hallelujah chorus when the wife drapes her pelvis over the tall end of the wedge or the ramp and they get into holy wedlock. Glory be!
The Gigi is such a versatile high-quality toy. It has variable speed and rhythm of vibration, and it does double duty with external and internal pleasuring with the easiest to use control button I’ve ever seen. Named for the G-spot, Gigi lives up to her name.
The Black Label Esse (pronounced like the letter S) is a wonderful shape to accommodate pregnant bellies and is also especially helpful for couples who might have back pain. Make no mistake, you don’t need a note from the doctor to enjoy one of these. (smile) Many couples have found that at times their love and generosity with each other can get a little bit rowdy. If you’re at a place in your healing journey that you’re ready to say, “Hold still, honey, you’re really gonna like this!”, then the Black Label Esse might be just the ticket.
The Womolia is designed by a female sex therapist and you can tell in the design details. Also designed for internal and external pleasuring, the Womolia is designed for women who are 35 or better or have had more than 1 child. Specially designed to offer an intensity of vibration and shaped to provide a pleasant sensation of fullness in the wife’s orgasmic platform. Womolia is made of an antimicrobial material, has a heat feature, is cordless and rechargeable and comes with a manufacturer’s 1 year warranty.
AND, Matthew, most of the toys in our store come with a one year manufacturer’s warranty–in fact, all the toys in my top five do.
Any parting thoughts?
Yes, I want to say to women everywhere: You’ve got a friend in the toy business! A girlfriend who’s been there and experienced healing and joy who wants to help you do the same. My talented customer service teammate Caitlyn and I are here to answer any questions you may have at firstname.lastname@example.org
The God who inspired the Song of Solomon also lovingly created every inch of your body. I believe he wants you to enjoy it. Really.
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